99 Pathways of the Heart

Pathway 11 – Al-Musawir – Designing and Training

 

Now this pathway I found really interesting for where I am in my life. I have just been away to Istanbul. My second visit to what I consider in many ways to be a spiritual home.

I was called the first time, and fortunate enough to be called again. The first trip triggered a long process of cleansing and clearing, and those experiences led me to where I am at now. All the good, the bad and the ugly that needed to be raised to make me who I am was as a result of that trip and I’m certainly grateful for it. Although at the time, I had no idea that it would be the catalyst for such massive change.

I feel as if everything that I had asked for on that first trip had been achieved so going back felt like closure in a way. A feeling of peace and gratitude, but also space to shape the next phase of my life.

This pathway gave me just that. It is about shaping our lives, but also allowing ourselves to be shaped through our experiences. It highlights that the Divine shapes and moulds us in to what we are through our experiences and that process is one of continuous evolution.

For me, this pathway made me think again about who I want to be. I felt like I have grown in to the person I wanted to be, but sometimes when that process is complete, there is a void to fill.  The pathway shows us that we are being moulded and kneaded in to shape all of the time. This can either feel like we want to escape life or embrace it – and it very much depends on how much we are able to surrender to the process.

While I was away, I had some magical experiences and moments of insight and wisdom. You know when you cross paths with strangers and the words exchanged are just what you needed to hear and the answer is clear? Those sorts of experiences that I will cherish and never forget. Accidental happenings that answered the questions I was seeking answers to.

Practicing this pathway made me realise that the route to getting here was a long journey of many steps, yet I was feeling so impatient about knowing the answers and for me, it showed me that the answers keep revealing themselves. Sometimes you just have to relax and it becomes crystal clear.

The first stage is this concept of surrendering and accepting that I do not know best. It’s funny that when you allow yourself to be guided, everything becomes a message from the Divine and you can feel your heart talking to you and leading you to where you need to be. For me, surrender has always been challenging and I am still working on it. I noticed pretty much straight away how much expectation plays a role in my suffering and sense of control. Surrender means acceptance of everything, good and bad and saying I am happy with this. I thought I had this down, but exploring this pathway made me see my inner control freak in full blown technicolour. It also made me look at my Ego in a different way, and helped me to see aspects of my shadow that I had been avoiding looking at.

This places control in a different light in that we try so hard to avoid confronting the shadow aspects of ourselves. We feel guilt and shame for feeling the way we feel about certain things, and this is something that we hold. Using this pathway, surrendering those feelings simply by acknowledging that they were present within me gave me a sense of peace. It also gave me permission not to be in control, and a realisation that I could experience this shadow aspect without causing any harm to anyone else.

I think as human beings, we have an idea of what a “good” person should or should not think or do and when we have emotions that conflict with this, it becomes difficult to deal with because we feel like it makes us a bad person and it is shameful. Through this pathway, I felt like I was learning all over again to be responsible for everything I was feeling and to really own it. It is difficult to own your Ego and overcome shadow feelings. Sometimes we feel bitterness, resentment, irritation, anger, impatience, envy, rejection, sadness, misery but we think we can not feel it fully because it has an impact on the people around us. Sure, people may notice that you are not yourself, but you can not harm them with what you are feeling. You only harm yourself by not honestly facing what is there.

This pathway about designing and training is about living honestly and understanding the contrast that the shadow aspects of yourself allow you to see. By avoiding the shadow, there is a clear message that these are emotions you do not want to feel. This resistance is also a resistance to allowing the Divine to shape you. It contradicts acceptance and surrender to all things that are bestowed on you, regardless of how it all feels to you.

By knowing what you don’t want, ultimately you understand what you do want. I felt like the counter emotion to all these shadow aspects I was discovering is Love. When I asked myself, “How do I want to redesign my life?” the answer is with Love. To work through your shadows, you need Love. To ensure your reality feels good to you, you need Love. To surrender, you need Love.

The pathway is about continuous evolution and the way Creator changes us over time, and in our darkest moments we forget that even that is out of Love. This whole process of being human with all it’s intricacies is made easier with Love.

I remember how it used to be before I came to this path. I always used to think “Why me?” when I recalled all the moments of darkness, all the painful experiences, all the suffering I felt I had to go through. It all makes perfect sense though when I think about it because I needed to go through all that to be here doing this. You never grasp it at the time, but there are some experiences that are absolutely necessary as without them, you can not appreciate the fullness of your gifts here on Earth.

Finally, for me this pathway was very much about getting out of my own way and almost disappearing to allow the life force to work on moulding me. The trouble with the human mind is that it always has an opinion on what is happening! This pathway has taught me neutrality in it’s purest sense and given me a sense of curiosity. It taught me that I can set an intention and ask for something and it will be received. However, the way I receive it and the timing are not things I have any control over. It allowed me to pose the question, “What happens if I do nothing?” and I was finding clear guidance and signs and synchronicities as a result. It gave me confirmation that there are signs, and the path is lit up, but we are so caught up in trying to control and mould our own lives that we forget that there is a bigger picture. This higher plan will play out regardless of whether we do or we don’t.

From this, I took away something very important and that is the feeling of peace that comes with accepting the good and the bad and being happy with all emotions. Although we may not entirely be convinced that what happens to us is for the best, if we can see that it isn’t the end point and take the lessons that it brings, it gives us peace. Where my Ego would say that’s passive, it makes sense to just drop it and get out of my own way by saying, “Yes ok – thank you because I know this is leading me somewhere.” The critical learning is that in that moment of GRRRR – it isn’t the end point yet your ego will make you feel like it is. Continuous motion, continuous learning and continuous evolution. If you grasp this, life becomes something very different and the joy comes back. It is, in itself, a way of connecting and staying connected through the pain.

When you reject a situation, you become separated and disconnected from Source and it feels that there is no help and support. Why would Creator do this to you? As Rumi said, “The cure is in the pain.” In actual fact, it is an opportunity for you to accept and be the closest that you can be to Creator. Those painful emotions are a way of bringing you closer to the Truth but it is only through facing those shadows that we get there.

The pathway recommends that we get a feel for the design of our lives even if all the steps are not clear yet. It also suggests that we look at what’s going on inside us with love and discipline to clear and dissolve. It shows us that there isn’t an end point. Nothing is good and nothing is bad. It is all purely experience that shapes us.

It may not make sense at the time, but it will one day. For me, it is stepping back and allowing these experiences to support personal perfection, learning and growth. It is not judging the feelings and experiences and it is understanding that Love changes and moulds everything.

Energy Updates

Energy Update 4th May, 2018

Let’s get straight in to it with this energy update. There has certainly been a shift in the energy and I feel we are still in the clearing phase of this shift following the full moon.

For a lot of people, it is a feeling of being stuck, stagnant. Wanting to do things, or knowing what needs to be done but no energy or action happening. There is a lot of thought and little action.  Try not to get frustrated. Everything has it’s own time.

The energy at the moment seems to be around the higher chakras. Plenty of energy and ideas coming in but it feels like treacle as soon as it hits the heart chakra with very little movement. I’ve definitely seen this a lot in the healing room, and I am experiencing this myself. We simply have to stay open to allow this energy to pass through. My feeling is that it is also training us to get out of our own way, but more on that as it comes through.

Over the last few week, we have all been experiencing a sense of losing aspects of our identity. Old ideas and patterns are no longer working, and it feels like we have to forge a new way. It is particularly challenging when the energy is not travelling as we would wish it to so the transition is not as fluid as we would like it to be. As well as this, we have gone through a shedding process. For some it has been dramatic changes. For others, the “Aha!” moments that lead you to question why you’re doing certain things. For me, it has been a mixture of the two. I think I said this in a previous update, but as the changes are happening on the inside, it takes time before they materialise on the outside. It really is a time to consolidate and integrate the changes.

Transition. I think this is the theme for the week. We are in another cosmic holding space and the lessons of patience and trust are all pertinent yet again at this time. Physically we are caught in the “Stop” and “Go” energy so it feels like going round in tiny tiny circles and although it feels like there is a lot going on up there, it isn’t translating in to material reality. Even though we feel sluggish and at a loss in terms of what to do, it is really important to prepare for what is to come. Mentally gear yourself up to be in the mindset of creating and receiving. If there is something that you have wanted for a while, think about what you can do to prepare to receive it as it’ll help the energy along.

For a lot of us, we are finding that things, people, situations that we once used to resonate with are not supporting us in the same way and it has been a time for letting go. It almost feels like a transition towards independent thinking and living. We were waiting for this stage of ascension, but now that it is here, we feel lost in transit. It’s like being on a carousel not knowing where you’ll eventually end up and you won’t be moving towards it until you accept the uncertainty that comes with it. Don’t hold any guilt or sadness for the people and situations you have left behind. Clear your slate at this time, and it will help you to clear your heart.

For me personally, I have been following Ascension energy updates and I feel that where they once filled a void in terms of making sense of the world, they do not resonate in the same way. I can only write on my own experience of the energies as a way of establishing my own truth. Those that resonate will follow, and those that go off me are free to do so. At this time, I can’t stress how important authenticity is and that there is no point in pretending anymore. It feels as if we have gone to the point where pretending feels so uncomfortable that we avoid it at all costs. You may have noticed that you don’t want to be around inauthentic people, or people who hold you to certain expectations.

We are each in search of the truth and the process at the moment is challenging us to really look long and hard at what we believe to be true and question why we believe it to be so. Challenging the feelings that we get helps us to go within to determine if its something to keep or lose or sit on until it’s certain. It is even more challenging when it feels like that feeling of certainty doesn’t appear to be there in the same form that it used to appear to us. New gifts and new ways of noticing are opening up at this time. This forces us to really go within and work from the inside out. Those feelings are all still there, and it feels like we’re going to have to get used to squinting before we can fully see this and get used to this way of looking at things.

There is a lot of light coming in and this is quite demanding on us physically as it filters it’s way through. I’ve noticed palpitations and pulsing as the light comes in. There is a tendency for overwhelm, and some random bouts of tears but when you allow this, it opens you up to receive more.

Hold tight as I feel that change really is imminent. The most challenging part of this transition is holding this energy as it feels like we are collapsing under the weight of the sheer immensity of the light coming in. Know that you only get as much as you can handle, and you can ask for it to be turned down if it is all too much for you. There is a sense of magic on the horizon and you can feel the buzz. Try to enjoy where you’re at now. It’s all too easy to keep asking “are we there yet?” and that takes away from the experience of expansion and growth. Remember you can grow standing still and you can grow while you’re moving. Often we forget that when there is little progress to be seen, there is a great deal going on behind the scenes to put it all together. Try and keep this in mind as you ride this energy wave.

Until next time, take care, rest up and enjoy the ride if you can!

Love Hafsa