On being an introvert…

I am an introvert. There. I said it. There’s a massive misconception that anyone who runs their business mainly through Social Media is extroverted so I wanted to talk openly today about some of the challenges that I personally face and how I’ve overcome them. Perhaps to also shatter the myth that strong women don’t have insecurities. We all do.

The first thing to say is that although I am outgoing, sociable, friendly and open, I find being in crowds or around a lot of people draining. It’s taken me years to master my own energy enough to keep that layer of energetic protection around me when I’m out and about. Being a sensitive soul, I pick up on energies around me and if I’m not careful, I can absorb them and carry them as my own. I’m not afraid to admit that I really love being at home and I avoid being out and about with people if I can. It’s just my preference. I can own being a bit of a loner because it suits me and I’d rather that than blame the people around me.

My first hurdle was being seen through my writing and it took me a while to get over that. I’ve had to overcome it by committing to writing every single day and producing content regardless of how I’m feeling. And even then, there’s things that I want to say that I find really difficult to convey in words. So when I write, I channel. I don’t think. I just write. I don’t edit. I just write. And now, I press publish regardless because to me that means I accept whatever I’ve created is good enough. The rest I deal with if and when it happens.

It has been a massive challenge for me to produce videos though because this makes me extremely visible. I cringe when I hear people tell me how natural I am on camera. Honestly, if you could see the build up and the procrastination, you’d understand. I have to be in the right mood and energy. I have to bang them out all in one go. I become a bit of a diva. I always worry if I’m actually being heard and this is because there have been times where I’ve made videos about pretty serious stuff and people have commented on how I look rather than what I’m saying. I think that’s something I still need to work through and although I’m starting to be a bit more consistent with it, it terrifies me. The last thing I want to be is boring and that says a lot about how I think other people will perceive me. There are a thousand and one reasons not to make videos but I’m getting to grips with the idea that my words matter and I need to share them with you. This is what I want to be doing – sharing and so everyday I have to drive that message home to myself and keep on working on my confidence.

It takes a lot to be “out there” in your chosen field. It takes putting your own fears and insecurities to one side sometimes. But we do it because somewhere deep inside is a knowing that it is the right thing to do. It’s knowing that someone out there may be helped by my words and my message. That’s what makes this job worthwhile. I’m not perfect, but I try my best. It makes me uncomfortable, but I do my best with it. It takes courage and strength and I can say I definitely have those even if I don’t always feel it. There’s a lot of ERMS and nervous laughter but that’s how I get through it.

For introverts like me, it’s a scary world out there. Being introverted and empathic brings it’s own challenges. I used to call it shyness but it’s more than that. Over the years, I’ve really had to learn to protect my own energy because it gets snapped up really quickly. I’ve had to learn to set boundaries. I’ve even had to stand up for myself with friends and family who dispute that I am an introvert. It just goes to show the assumptions people can make and the expectations put on us for how others want us to be.

I don’t have many friends and over the years there’s plenty of people who have come and gone from my life when I started putting boundaries around me. I’ve always found it difficult to say no but there comes a point when you realise that people are only friends with you because of what they can get from you. You’re a good listener. They never have to ask you how you are until the end of the conversation when it’s time for them to go. And you’re ok with that and you feel guilty if you aren’t.

It’s a tough place out there, especially when most situations make you want to cut and run for the hills. You wish people would just go away sometimes. All you want is to be in your own space, doing your own thing and you’re more than happy in your own company.

But that doesn’t mean that we shy away from life. I make myself do these things and get out and about regardless because I could quite easily be a hermit. That would suit me fine but then I wouldn’t be challenging myself to live. I wouldn’t make heartfelt connections or smile at people in the street. I wouldn’t do this work. Just as well I’m more a one to one kind of person but recently, I’ve been challenging myself to do group events. This is a massive breakthrough for me and even though it takes me a couple of days to recover, I’m committing to this because I know I’ve had so much resistance around groups.

It’s a delicate balance between being a hermit and being out there and sociable.I always know when I’ve done too much people-ing because I’ll just want to hide in my hole until I’ve got my energy back.

The thing that helps me the most to manage my hermit tendencies is to make sure that I do have a lot of time that is just for me. I also make sure that I use this time to recharge myself. Whether that’s reading a book, writing, listening to music or just dancing while I’m cleaning. I need to feel full and I know that when I feel full, I’m less likely to have to run home from places.

It isn’t always easy, is it? I just wanted to share that because there is another huge misconception that people that do this kind of work MUST have their life all sorted. I don’t have it all sorted. I am always working at it, just like everyone else.

And the thing that I work hardest at is putting myself out there despite my insecurities. That and making my boundaries known without feeling guilty. And finally, making sure I have enough for myself before I help others.

Always feeling the fear and doing it anyway. Sometimes very slowly but always working at it!


Ascension Energy Update 25th October, 2019

This is your ascension energy update for this week. I’m conscious I’ve not posted in a while but like many others, I too have been down the rabbit hole with these intense energies.

One thing I will say about this energy is expect the unexpected. This I can see on so many levels. Certainly in my own life, in politics, in the weather. The Universe is pulling us back to a place of trust. There is much chaos but we are not to be taking anything for granted.

Notice your reactions the second that the rug gets pulled from under your feet, and then notice how those reactions begin to change. It’s almost as if these lessons are coming thick and fast and are designed for you to recognise and feel gratitude.

For me, it’s certainly been the little things in life that I am grateful for this week. Things that might seem trivial to others but they mean a lot to me. Although the energies feel more settled this week and calmer, don’t be lulled in to a false sense of security.

For many of us, there is a need to go inwards. I’ve certainly felt as if the world is a bit too much for me to cope with. It’s really noisy at the moment and if you listen carefully, you can hear how the frequencies are changing. I felt a sharp pitch rise last night which has carried on through in to today. There doesn’t seem to be any let up.

As I said, I’ve been down the rabbit hole. There has been a great deal of soul searching for many and it feels as if all the old wounds are coming out to play again. This week, the healing room has seen a rise in physical issues. In particular, Sciatica. There’s only so long you can sit on your issues before they get your attention!

There does seem to be a big theme at the moment about facing your stuff. There’s always going to be experiences and memories that we bury because we know it’s going to hurt if we go there. My motto in life is that I’d rather take myself there willingly than have it imposed upon me which is one of the reasons I delve deep on a daily basis. Even so, I’ve had my fair share of surprises this week!

Life’s big questions are coming up for many at the moment. What are we here to do? Are we moving towards our goals? What is that we actually really want?

It’s time to take stock for a new chapter. It feels as if these energies of re-birth came upon us so thick and fast and we got carried away in this feeling of something amazing being just over the horizon. In truth, if that something is just around the corner, I think this week we are trying to measure how big this corner is.

It’s been difficult to maintain hope and optimism through setbacks and failures, but that underlying energy of something being just around the corner is still there when you tune in to it. It’s a relief in some ways and it’s carrying a lot of weight at the moment. We are going inwards to take some of that weight off so that we can begin to generate that hope and optimism for ourselves.

Another big theme this week has been owning our own emotions and owning what we are creating for ourselves. Understanding our self-sabotage patterns and beginning to break them is hard work that mainly comes from observation. We are seeing things in ourselves now that we perhaps didn’t see before and on some levels being harsher but on other levels allowing that tough love to do it’s work.

That “what do I really want” question comes in to play here and it matters so much. What are you worth? How much value do you place on your own dream? What are you doing for yourself?

Self-care is going to be the order of the day from now on so get used to it. It doesn’t seem to be letting up or slowing down, and I’m sure I read that there are solar storms coming in that are having a physical impact.

Hold on tight! We are entering a whole new cycle altogether. We just need to prepare ourselves to be who we came here to be.

Until next time,




Burning Away Tension and Hurt – Al-Ghaffar

“When you are guided to this pathway, take the opportunity to release any restriction or constriction you feel, with regard to yourself or another, in to the heat and fire of Unity.

I wrote part one of this pathway almost exactly 2 years to the day that I did the healing transmission that takes us deeper in to it. Part one is below and this was what was written a couple of years ago and it still stands. Part 2 revisits with fresh insight.


I remember when I first got this book many years ago, and I used to open it for a pathway and more often than not, it fell open at this pathway. It’s clear that over the course of my life, this is a pathway I will always have a special connection with. I had a lot of tension and hurt that needed to be burned away

This pathway comes to me now in a whole different way and there are many lessons that arise as a result. As soon as I read the pathway, I could feel the tension and hurt all coming up, bubbling away under the surface. All very familiar feelings and I could feel the resistance straight away because I knew that once and for all, it was time to heal and lose the old wounds. There was a reason this pathway came at this moment and it was because this is what I have been working towards.

There’s a moment when you can actually see how everything has led you to where you are. There is a moment within that moment where you feel so close to turning that corner within yourself and accessing the freedom you crave. It’s liberating and terrifying all at the same time. That’s why you put a block on it and that’s what stops you from burning away the tension and hurt. You hold on with your mind and it’s hard to let go. It’s difficult seeing beyond that point. I could feel that had burning away in me for a long time.

If it was simple and straightforward, we would all be enlightened beings, but it really isn’t. Those darker feelings are there and yes it would be wonderful to get rid of them but imagine if you’ve never felt freedom and never seen real light before, that in itself can be overwhelming and painful. That’s why the spiritual journey, in my view, takes you in to the freedom and light a little at a time. It’s easier to digest that way although as humans we are fixated on “when will it all be alright?” and for me this pathway brought up a really big realisation in seeing the bigger picture. There is no end point when all is alright. All is alright RIGHT NOW. It’s just how being human and having a mind complicates everything when life really is pretty simple. Just think of when you were a baby, your needs were taken care of and you didn’t worry because you felt safe. You didn’t think then as you do now, maybe one day it’ll be ok because that day you were always ok.

Those old feelings of being unsafe bubbled up with this pathway. I felt like I was on an angry rampage for a few days but I was watching carefully at what was triggering me. It’s simple – when things are not the way I want them to be, you better get out of my way! I can joke about it, and I’m not saying I’m some kind of Diva, but the deeper hurt and tension does come from this feeling of I can’t have what I want and that comes from my conditioning and my experiences in life. It takes time to undo all of that. I am in a better place, and I am not in the past. The deepest realisation for me is seeing beyond into where these moments can lead me. This moment is perfect because everything is happening as it should, but the tension and hurt and anger is a rejection of this moment because it’s not perfect in my eyes. That’s the reason I feel tension and hurt and anger. The only way to neutralise this is love, and loving yourself when you’re raging is hard!

It’s hard to look at the anger, hurt and tension in yourself because you know that it is going to be painful and when we reject and resist that moment, it becomes even more so. To truly burn it away is to treat it with love. Love is the only way to neutralise emotions and release them. Love is total acceptance of things as they are, and yourself as you are. Unconditionally.

You can’t make something happiness and heart unless you truly feel it. You have to be looking for it in yourself to truly feel it and most of us don’t look until we come to a certain place in our lives. There are some people who just have the knack, life’s optimists, but it takes work depending on where you’ve been in your life and what you’ve experienced. At some point, we all throw the toys out of the pram because life isn’t going our way. It makes us unhappy and all because we are rejecting the here and now because it doesn’t look like how we wanted it to. The deep irony of life is that if we keep seeing it this way, life will never be what we want it to be. Right now is the perfect moment to be happy.

What is happiness anyway?

I think it’s rooted in freedom and freedom comes from being able to see what you’re doing to yourself and being able to stop it. The lesson for me which I feel cut the deepest is that I’ve been working so hard to love myself, and I’ve made some real progress with this but this pathway enabled me to notice that I can be horrible to myself still sometimes. I won’t take it if someone else treats me that way, but some of the things I catch myself saying to myself tell me that I could be a lot kinder sometimes.

As I was deep in meditation with this pathway, a realisation came to me. My mind wants to fix everything and that’s causing hurt and tension. I thought I had done away with my inner control freak, but as it turns out I haven’t fully! This is going to take some work and I can accept that is always going to be a part of me. It’s hard to undo conditioning because conditioning helps to keep you mentally and emotionally safe. It operates on a physical level though, so it stops you from taking action beyond your safety limit.

I am safe now though and so there is no need to try and fix anything. I find myself falling in love with my Creator on a whole other level as a result of this pathway and the realisation that there is something greater at work, always at work that has my best interests at heart. All I need to do is to get out of the way and stop trying to force my own interventions!

I remember when I first started meditating. I remember once doing a really long meditation and I was so determined to find the answer I was looking for. I insisted I would not get up until I knew what the answer was and I was there for about 3 – 4 hours. I searched in the silence for hours. I remember being calm and still and from nowhere a voice said, “Your job is not to know. Your job is to trust.” BOOM!! That message I know was really real because it came from nowhere. I have never forgotten it and working through this pathway, it has come up often for me. It’s a reminder. That real wisdom sits within, and I can access it if I am willing to listen.

The book talks about tension and hurt feeling like a pressure cooker and that life sometimes feels as if it is cooking you, softening you up and I feel this process. Life is so much easier if you tell yourself that everything is happening as it was meant to happen. You can’t make things go any faster or delay the pain. You are safe to go through it and go through it you must. If only we knew what was on the other side of our suffering, I reckon we would skip through it without a care!!

I feel I have ended several chapters in my life and I’m on to new beginnings now. I feel safe as a result. I know there is nothing that can harm me. I know what my mind is doing. I know where the tension and hurt are coming from. I know that feeling those feelings is softening me and bringing me back to Source. Those feelings in themselves are indicators and signals that I need to seek Source to feel at ease.

Everything is perfect. It’s how we choose to see it. Knowing it is happening perfectly takes the pressure off and makes you more accepting of things the way they are. It helps burn away the tension and hurt to bring you to a place of serenity and peace, freedom and happiness. Even if that’s simply one moment, it is enough for me to continue seeking it.

Part 2:

This time round felt like a more focused, grounded exploration of the pathway. It was humbling looking back because at the time, I thought I knew a lot more than I did and perhaps took it for granted that I’d turned a corner. I need to constantly remind myself that there are many corners in life and just because I’ve turned one, doesn’t mean there won’t be another straight after it! In the last couple of years since I first wrote on the pathway, I can say that I’ve had to go deeper in to the same wounds.

I still recognise that feeling of being so close and your mind not wanting to let go as it was something that came back as I revisited this pathway. I guess nothing is gone for good. It just changes shape and the heat and fire of Unity is part of the process by which this happens.

I did reflect on the fact that I feel safer in the world now than I have ever done before but at times I still feel the need to escape. What I thought was self-love keeps going to new and deeper levels. I hadn’t thought that far ahead, clearly!

One thing that has always come to the surface with this particular pathway is the hurt that I feel as a result of what others have done. The pathway talks about the different ways in which we handle this and I can say that I’ve done all of these things and it has kept me in a passive victim state. I noticed when I first wrote on the pathway, I didn’t go there.

The truth is people do shit on you in life. As a result, you can shut down and refuse to feel anything. You can give up and be a doormat or you can be over sensitive. I’ve done all three and I can see that quite clearly. In life, it’s inevitable and the only way through it is to actually open your heart up to it. This isn’t about what others have done to you. This is about accepting that you will feel done to but it’s for your own good that you feel this way. Our expansion comes from our interaction. Our sense of self-love develops through this feeling of being hard done by. Self-love is taking responsibility for yourself and actively stepping out of victim mode. It’s me. It’s all me and I’m doing this to myself. There. I said it. We can flit between slinging shit at others and slinging shit at ourselves but ultimately we need to just own ourselves. Let’s not be in denial about the rage but let’s use it as a creative force.

This kind of love is a challenge to cultivate in yourself because it comes from pain and hurt. It’s that pain and hurt that calls you to the One. That longing, that yearning, that cry for help – that is the burning that this pathway talks about. The rage, the fire, the anger that results in that release of energy. This is the purification of the heart so being afraid of anger will do you no good at all. It’s a necessary part of coming closer and closer to the One and purifying your own heart.

This month’s healing circle will focus on this theme. Booking link below and we would love to see you there.



Ascension Energy Update, 10th September, 2019

This is your ascension energy update for the week. Yesterday was the opening of another important energy portal (9/9) bringing yet more turbulence, chaos and purging.

Following the almost ecstatic buzz of the previous week, it feels like we’re all on the comedown. There was a lot placed in to the vortex when the energy was high and off the back of that, we’re now in the purging window which is set to continue until the next moon.

The healing room has seen a lot of purging this week and the message seems to be that instead of taking it as one big change, break it down in to smaller steps. Take each step in alignment with what your heart is telling you. We’ve been working to break down the overwhelm quite a lot this week.

The energies are interesting as it feels like someone has pressed the pause button. It’s like the world has stood still but your internal momentum continues to churn. This stillness always allows us to see things from different angles and in different lights. When the matrix is paused, it allows you to step around and look at things from a different perspective.

New truths seem to be coming to light rapidly and although things appear slow, there are rapid changes in both our external and internal environments literally over the horizon. Impatience seems to be getting the better of us and this is more the overwhelm than anything else.

We are questioning again and again, are we ready for what we’re asking for? Are we ready to have it brought forth? The overwhelm is a signal that we need to work on a very practical level to bring ourselves in to alignment with what we want. We not only have to feel ready but we also need to be doing on a real, practical level.

The 9/9 portal opens up plenty of wounds and as we know, in order to receive we need to make space in our lives. The new can not come in while the clutter of the old is still being carried within us. There is still healing to be done even through these transitional energies.

The transitional energies feel a lot darker than usual at the moment. There’s so much happening on the planet and the polarisation feels like it is at it’s peak. We all need to keep going. Life doesn’t stop just because we are purging.

Finding a way to continue to heal whilst living life is a massive theme at the moment. Understanding that there are always going to be forces, energies and people that clash with us. Rather than avoid them, we are learning to occupy the same space as them. Learning to stand in our own power is one way of staying focused on the inner reality rather than allow the world around us to dictate how we feel.

There is some deep learning this week around moving with your own ebb and flow and not being rushed. You may need to press the reset switch more than once over the next few weeks but if that’s what you need to come in to alignment again, then so be it. There’s a definite groove to be found. It all felt so easy last week and we’re on the hunt for it again. Impatience and overwhelm can set in but just stay in your own zone. Bearing with while the maintenance work is going on is a necessary part of the process.

Expect it to be volatile and to feel like you’re not always sailing your own ship as it goes off course and remember that you may have plans, but the greater plan is greater than what you had planned for yourself. Universe knows best and you are being taken to where you need to be. The clearing is central to your receiving.

Keep working on acceptance of where you’re at now. Keep one eye on the future and be ready to alternate between moving and steadying yourself.

If you’re struggling with the energies or indeed life, I have a range of sessions that are designed to help you.


Ascension Energy Update, 2nd September 2019

This is your ascension energy update for September. I’m going to jump right in to it!

The theme over the last week or so in the healing room has been purging and the Chakra we have been working most with is the Heart Centre. It feels as if people all over are receiving some sort of clarity that’s pushing them to take action.

August saw a massive energy gateway open up and we’re still feeling the waves of it. It has brought clarity for sure but it has also opened up a wormhole for all the old emotions to come to the surface. This is the purging that I’m talking about.

For many, we keep getting throwbacks to the past. If not our physical past in this life then past lives. There is much to heal and there seems to be an openness and willingness for us to go there.

I’m really picking up on this as a massive theme at the moment. This idea of actually walking towards the healing and purging rather than running from it puts us in a place of greater power. It also allows us to direct the pace and flow to some extent.

We are living in interesting times and on the precipice of what feels like massive personal evolution and RE-volution which in turn will have a collective impact on the planet. Ascension is happening and the frequency of Earth is beginning to really change.

As the Light quotient increases, as does the dark quotient. For those that are purging, they are transmuting these shadow aspects within themselves surrendering this up to the light.

It’s phenomenal to experience and even more phenomenal to watch this is in action. I’ve not been tuning in as much as I’m in my own purging process along with everyone else but once that part is over, I’m really being called to connect and channel from this place.

I feel really strongly that we all need to connect in to these energies to guide us through what is coming up to be a difficult time for Mother Earth. She needs us and she wants to breathe through us.

I feel as if I myself haven’t really been listening because I’m absorbed not only in my own process but in supporting others through their processes. I love how Spirit will always gently pull and keep pulling until you work out what it is that you’re meant to be doing.

I’m being shown what I need and I am absolutely sure that many others are being given the same. It feels like these electrical charges are pulsating from so many souls and our aerials are sending out the frequencies. Whereas before it felt like we were radiating this along, it now feels like the signals are all finding each other and connections are starting to be made. This is on all levels.

I’m talking about synchronistic meetings with people and energies. I’m talking about needing to be in a particular place for no reason at all apart from knowing that your energy is needed there.

Oh this could be so exciting and magical if we give it permission to let it direct us. I’m surrendering to it. I can feel a wave of reassurance within my self.

“Those that are certain of the outcome can afford to wait and wait without anxiety.” I’m certainly feeling that at the moment.

Purge and ride the wave to wherever it may take you!

September’s Healing Circle will help you to burn away the tension and hurt and support your purging process. If you would like to join us, we’d love to welcome you.



What is a Soul Blueprint?

Everyone is born with a unique Soul Blueprint.

What is a Soul Blueprint? Just as your DNA contains the information for your physical being, your Soul Blueprint is made up of light codes that contain the information for your journey, your lessons and your purpose here on planet Earth.

The Earth itself has it’s own Soul Blueprint. I like to think of this as the Master Plan or Programme Management Document. Each of us are like individual projects within this Overarching Programme and we have our own Project Management Document – our Soul Blueprint.

Each Project/Soul is linked to and has interdependencies on other Projects/Souls. These are all outlined in the Programme Management Document or Universal Overarching Soul Blueprint. Each Project/Soul undertakes tasks or lessons that impact on others and so Projects/Souls can begin to identify their interdependencies through a process of taking action.

The more they connect in with their Project Management Document/Soul Blueprint, the better able they are to navigate this life and their ascension, their purpose and reason

Now you can see that 14 years as Project Manager wasn’t wasted!!

I work with both your Unique Soul Blueprint and help you find your place in the Universal Overarching Soul Blueprint. One to One Divine I AM transmissions are a deep way of working with your Soul Blueprint and lead to powerful shifts in consciousness. Check out this link to find out more…

If this is making sense to you, then I’m inviting you to come and work with me. Click here to check out what I do…or have a little gander at my behind the scenes video….