So when I said that this one would take a while to integrate, I had no idea what chain of events was to be unleashed. Synchronicity is an amazing phenomenon, and the events that unfolded were, I believe, part of learning this pathway. I have been trying to write this blog for the last 6 weeks, and it has just not felt like the right time.
“When you are guided to this pathway, take the opportunity to find the place in you that is helping you to grow more and more into yourself – a unique, fully human, being.” (p158)
This pathway is about transformation through our experiences, and a chain of events was to unfold that I had no idea would be the catalyst for this transformation. I was forced very deeply in to my “human-ness”!
The last 6 weeks have been just that – a time of transformation for me. Isn’t it funny how things can change all in an instant? When I introduced the pathway, I talked a little about changing to meet each moment. I had no idea just how much this would happen, how intense and draining it can be, and how enlightening it is when the lightbulb moments happen!
So my house was burgled about 6 weeks ago. My beloved “hubby” (my work laptop) was stolen with no backup, my bags, wallet, cards and also my car to top it off. Basically, I woke up to find everything gone. All taken. All gone. Remembering this pathway, I was surprisingly calm and your first instinctive thoughts are always the ones you come back to as you go on this rollercoaster when all your belongings are taken!
I had to accept that it was all gone. I kept reassuring myself that there must be something good in it, even if I couldn’t see it at the time. What I found was so much kindness from people, and what touched me most of all is knowing how loved I am. It puts things in perspective for me, especially because you kind of see all the good things you’ve tried to put in to the world coming back to you through the kindness of people. It helped, and it made things a lot easier.
I can see how I attracted this in to my experience. It is the difference between choosing to give, and feeling taken from. For me, this has always been difficult to balance. My work means giving, and is demanding. I take care of me, and so nobody asks me how I am. I choose to take care of people, and so they come for help. I’ve been wanting to create the space to make more for me, and this was how the universe handed me the opportunity! You know that feeling when you’ve put so much hard work in, and you feel like it’s got to come to fruition and then this happens! It really threw me and I will admit, I went in to victim mode because I just couldn’t make sense of why it had happened to me. EGO ALERT! Shit happens to everyone! I had to experience of total loss of control to surrender my ego. Difficulty letting go? Let the universe take everything so you have no choice! Out of my hands, and it always was. Control is just an illusion, and ego thing to make us feel better.
When I introduced the first pathway, I also talked about taking something you perceive to be a negative and viewing it as a strength. My weakest muscle is patience and this is one that I have really had to work with. The lesson for me, 6 weeks on, is understanding that I have no part to play in Divine timing. I managed to get pretty stressed out when things were moving slowly, to the point of making myself quite ill! In the end, it does all work out, however the more we try and make things happen, the more resistance we create and it doesn’t feel good! I am, and always will be, learning patience. It’s a lesson that is always repeated.
It’s funny how one bad experience makes you expect more bad luck! That is until you start to focus on what’s good again, and that is when things start to turn around. Surrender it all, focus on being happy! Being fearless is sometimes about taking your focus in to the fact that whatever happens, you’ll deal with it. And everything is ok in the end…only you don’t know when the end is…lol
This comes back to us really understanding what it means to be “fully human” and accepting the whole range of emotions that we feel, even though they don’t feel nice. Everything is part of us, even the bits that we don’t want to acknowledge. For me, there was this massive sense of being hard done by. After all, I put so much in to being positive, why did something like this happen? Because I needed it to show me what was really important. Family, friends, love, support and gratitude. I needed to come back in to the present moment, and I think it is this that brings us to the true essence of this pathway.
There is this magical experience of meeting each moment. And when we first meet the moment, we are unsure of how to greet it. It is remembering that we can choose to greet all moments and emotions as friends. Where we have resistance, the moment we recognise that resistance, we can change in that moment to acceptance and embracing that moment for what it is. Each moment is temporary, and we learn of ourselves by the way in which we experience it.
Being open to emotion, being open to resistance, and working through it all is what builds the foundation for patience. The toughest part for me has been complete acceptance of what is. To achieve this, I have had to become more and more present. It’s only when I did this, that I recognised that perhaps I was being absent from my own life in so many ways.
A painful, but worthwhile transformational shift has happened for me on the inside. The experience has cleansed me of so many things that I was holding that I couldn’t see. It’s only the experience that brought the emotions to the surface, and I needed this for the next part of my journey. When the shift happens on the inside, it takes time for the outside to meet it, and I’m only now starting to see it materialise!
It has been really difficult to write and to get motivated, and partly because this processing is so important, I wanted to be in a place where I could be raw and honest and really open.
Individuated Creation – for me…it’s about meeting and embracing each moment and each emotion. It is about noticing and adjusting. It is about present moment awareness. It is about being aware of what you are creating by being the way that you are.
This is deep stuff, and this is one I think I will keep hold of. It is a good practice to be aware of what you’re creating. The insights hurt, but are profound. Your fears surface, and then subside. I’m taking these lessons and living this pathway as much as possible.
Be conscious of what you are creating!