Energy Updates, Healing

Why am I feeling so wierd? Energy Update 27th August, 2018

Why am I feeling so wierd? That’s been the theme in the healing room this week and if you’re asking yourself the same question, the answer is in the energies that are around at the moment.

It’s like a dead weight and everything that we were trying to get off the ground in June and July seems to be moving ever so slowly. There’s been planets in Retrograde. Mars and Mercury have both gone direct now and there’s been a full moon, 3 Eclipses, solar flares and Geomagnetic storms not to mention the meteor shower.

So when you take all of that in to consideration, of course you’re feeling wierd. We are all connected to the heartbeat of the Universe and when it moves and shifts, we feel it too.

The energies have been dense and heavy. Like a dead weight. Nothing seems to be moving. After much unrest, it’s like we are covered in a blanket. A littler period of hibernation is kind of what is happening right now and hopefully we will open our eyes to an easier and lighter September.

It’s not been an easy 6 weeks energetically and a lot of us have felt upheaval and restlessness. For some it’s been time out, for others it’s been working through the energies. However it has been for you, you’ve felt it. The lethargy and the numbness has been a theme for all. There have been sparks of clarity followed by periods of massive uncertainty.

Things are certainly changing though and we are feeling it. WE as a collective are changing rapidly and there is a whole movement towards letting go. This “new me” stuff is really starting to take shape and there’s yet more layers to shed. All of the conditioning, fears and limiting beliefs seem to be rising to the surface for us to see more clearly and as always, there is healing to be done!

It will settle, but the pace, depth and intensity of the energies is something that we are going to have to start getting used to because it feels like it’s going to stay like this for a while. It feels like we’re being pushed and shoved in to places that are creating expansion for us.

I think it just got interesting!

If you’re struggling with the energies and you’d like some help, please get in touch x

Energy Updates, Healing

The Rise of the Divine Feminine

The Power of the Divine Feminine

It’s been an interesting week this week as the energies seem to be ramping up. I remember towards the end of last year we were talking about the rise of the Divine Feminine and wowzers has that had an impact.

I don’t know if its just me and because I work with women, but there really does seem to be some fine tuning going on with the way that we are connecting with the Divine Feminine. It’s causing a bit of a clash between the different aspects of this energy.

On the one hand we have the softness, vulnerability and opening. On the other hand we have the wildness, the strength and the power of Femininity.

My view is that we are learning to be unashamedly ourselves and embrace whatever combination of these qualities that we hold. We are learning to harness and use these energies for ourselves and it is enhancing our power to create.

More than ever over the last few weeks in the healing room have seen a rise in the Kundalini energy and I’m working with more and more women who want to clear sexual trauma and explore their creative life force energy. The power of this energy for healing us in incredible and learning to use it is even more incredible.

Where the #metoo movement gave rise to an awareness of the power imbalance, the residue of this has been a real awakening of power for women as a collective. There really is a “Don’t take no shit” attitude at the moment and it isn’t directed at the opposite sex. There is a balance to be gained between feminine and masculine forces within us and it feels like we have to come full circle and experience these energies for us to come to balance within ourselves.

When you’re nailing it, it feels like intense creative flow, passion and alignment combined with purpose, intuition and what I can only describe as a recognition of our own resilience and “sturdiness.” Above and beyond anything, although this is a spiritual process the impact is in a very human way and it is helping us to navigate between the different dimensions and realms.

This creates movement and that’s been reflected in the shifts that clients are experiencing as a result of sessions. There really is a big change in the air and a redressing of balance when it comes to power.

Bring it on I say!!!

Energy Updates, Healing

No time for fake ones – Energy Update 28th July, 2018

Yo! Feeling a bit Gangsta Rap this week and the energies are seriously ramping up. If you’ve struggled with sleep and you’re feeling tetchy around people that are not authentic, welcome to New Earth! The energies around are about being real, saying it exactly how it is and unapologetically taking what’s rightfully yours. Entitlement, Power, Ownership. This is some strong ass energy coming through and it’s opening us all up to new experiences and new ways of thinking about the world. Personally, I bloody love this wild, wolf like sass that’s being unleashed. It’s bold, it’s brazen and it’s empowering. It’s about change and this is the crux. Change is inevitable and our experience of these energies is influenced by our willingness to accept change.

Expect all your old perceptions to be challenged on the deepest level that you can manage and remember the confusion is temporary. This is the bit where you start working it all out. This is when the pennies start to drop. The energies around us are helping us even though it seems like more of a hindrance because of the frustration or fear of change. There’s a lot of work around “old me” and “new me” and it’s uncomfortable. To the max – UNCOMFORTABLE but it’s necessary. Progress is found in the Dis-Comfort Zone so expect to be challenged and expect to feel uncomfortable. Style it out and see how the different aspects of “new me” feel to you. You’ll know quite quickly what’s authentically you and what’s not. I like this experimental aspect as it has a really open feel to it. It feels ok to explore and discover. We have this gateway open to lead us to who we are becoming.

The portals have opened up and Lightworkers are starting to gain clarity on their purpose and mission here on Earth. There really is no time to waste at all. The energy for action is there to be harnessed and it really is driving us forward without giving a shit about what’s logical. Heart led work and dropping all the old ideas and expectations of what we thought our work would be. The work is just the work. You’re delivering something a lot bigger than yourself but ironically this time is all about you. This is about what you can create. With planets in retrograde, people tend to think that they are being slowed down. That’s true to an extent, but it is a perception. The Universe is going at it’s own pace and it always will. It’s the pace of our progress that we need to understand and to take ownership of the fact that it is not dictated by external forces. The pace you work at within is the same pace as the Universe. Staying connected is literally all you need to do to align and get in to the flow. Allow the flow and keep moving inwards through connection. Even when we stand still, we are still moving. Our thoughts are still creating. Our ideas are in the process of manifesting. The key thing is the action that pushes through this energy and that’s where we are standing still as it feels like there is more confusion than clarity.

Remember that confusion is the process that leads to clarity. One simple way to work out the direction is to make a list of what you don’t want. Then take each item and find it’s opposite and that gives you a list of what you DO want. Simple…kind of lol but that’s just the starting point.

For me, the energy is wild and ready to be harnessed for forward movement. There have been a lot of bombshells dropping as a result of the Eclipse season. The mask has literally dropped off and there is no time for any bullshit. You can take things at face value or you can go deeper. You’re seeing what you didn’t see before and it is eye-opening.

As a result, you’ll be finding that you’re irritated and impatient around people that are not willing to take responsibility for themselves. Anything that doesn’t feel real and authentic will jar. Be more concerned with you than them and don’t be overpowered.

The theme in the healing room this week has been all about taking action. Ideas can stay ideas. To make them manifest, the energy needs to move through action. These energies are causing restlessness. If you don’t know what action to take, this makes it even more frustrating.

This energy feels like a pushy parent and I am certainly feeling it driving me and whipping me in to shape. It’s tough but its what’s needed.

All for the greater good knowing we have to go through what we have to go through to get to where we are going to.

Enjoy the ride!

Healing

Unrequited love…the solution…

The theme in the healing room this week has been unrequited love. I thought it would be a nice, juicy topic to write about seeing as I’m a singleton in the city and I have helped dozens of women who are coming out of not so great relationships.

Women over the ages have fallen for the charms of the wrong guy. You know the one. You love spending time with him. You could talk for hours. He makes you laugh. You think he could be the one…so you give a little more…and get a little physical…

And then he tells you he’s not ready for a relationship knowing full well that he’s got you hook, line and sinker.

You go backwards and forwards in this merry for him but not-so-merry-for-you dance because now you’re emotionally invested in the relationship. You have hope that he’ll see how amazing you are and fall for you in the same way. While he continues being aloof and emotionally unavailable, you get more and more sucked in to the game.

After repeating this cycle again and again, you start to realise it’s a trap. While he’s still in your line of vision, you’re missing out on meeting anyone else. He doesn’t want you, and he doesn’t want anyone else to have you either. You’re not getting any younger, and it’s time to move on, but it’s just so difficult right.

When push comes to shove, you know yourself that you are worth much more than this. When you’re treated like an option, you know that you deserve so much better. When enough is enough, you need those cords cut and you need your power back.

This is usually when you book an appointment to release “all that no longer serves you” or in other words, wash that timewasting Mo Fo out of your hair and a healing bodywork session is the best way to do this – trust me!

Remember that every relationship is an energy exchange and his energy is sitting in your system feeding off you. That’s what I pull out during a healing bodywork session, and at the same time, I help you restore the faith in yourself so that you’ve got the confidence to move on without looking back.

Break-ups have become one of my specialities and if you’re ready to move on, I can help you get that thorn out of your side. Make the call – let’s get you sorted so that you can attract what you’re worth!

 

Healing

Can you release your own emotional blocks?

Can you release your own emotional blockages?

It’s a good question that…so I thought I’d try and answer it from my own experience as someone who does her own self-healing but also helps others to heal.

The first thing to say is that emotions get trapped and stuck in your energy field every single day. Period. That’s all of us whether you’re a trained and experienced healer or your Jane Bloggs going about your daily business. You can be mindful, conscious and hot to trot but this’ll still happen to you because you are HUMAN and that’s a fact of life. Nobody is immune to the stuff life throws at you and we all experience human emotion.

The next thing I want to say builds on this point. There’s stuff that we are conscious of; For example, “that person said something that upset me.” There’s also stuff that we are not conscious of so we can have a reflex reaction to something and we may not even be aware of it. This is what’s known as being triggered.

Now sometimes when you’re triggered, you’ll blame the person that triggered you. Other times when you’re triggered, you’ll realise that they’ve activated something that was already in you to begin with. This is when we start taking responsibility for our own vibration when we notice that our reactions are “our stuff” and not the other persons.

There will be things that you were unaware of that you become aware of. There will be things that you are unaware of that you still don’t see. Some of these things can be so automatic and they are intrinsically linked to what we believe about ourselves.

I’ll give you an example. The other day I was talking to a client about POISE – about being composed and self-assured and how this is key to finding your confidence. She said, “I’ve never had poise” and continued on. When she stopped talking, I asked her to think about what she had just said and she couldn’t remember. I relayed the words back to her and she was like, “Oh my god! I didn’t even realise I’d said that.” This shows how deep these beliefs are if you are unaware of them leaving your mouth.

You can help yourself a great deal by making yourself aware of what is leaving your mouth. What are the patterns? These beliefs tend to start with “I always” or “I never” and we all do it, including me. It tells us a lot about what we think about ourselves.

There are other beliefs that go a lot deeper than this though and these are the ones that manifest the not so nice experiences in life. These are deeply set and for me, these are the ones that healing helps me to bring to the surface.

My healer sees in me things that I am unaware of myself. My healer points out my patterns and makes me realise what it is that is holding me back. I’ve had to really push myself through the fear to overcome some of these beliefs and still sometimes find myself racking my brain to work out the answer.

That’s the point at which I realise that it’s likely to be subconscious and then I’ll do some Emotion Code on myself and the answer becomes apparent as I process the work. You can clear what you become aware of, but some things will remain there to be discovered. The subconscious is like a treasure trove of learning really.

If you would like to know what you don’t know, please give me a call. I love digging for treasure!

Energy Updates, Healing

The Old Me Died – Help!

The theme from the Healing Room this week has been about getting comfortable with this new version of ourselves. There’s a deep sense of loss that comes when we have changed so much and can be difficult to cope with.

For myself and many of my clients, the theme over the last couple of weeks has been the realisation that we aren’t who we used to be. It’s time to step up. Noticeably so, a lot of my clients are at the stage where their old ways and habits just don’t fit anymore. They’ve noticed that they’ve also shed a lot of the baggage, including people in their lives. We’ve talked about this a little in previous blogs because I know it’s been happening for a lot of people as part of the Universal energy shifts.

When we shed, it creates a void. It feels energetically that we have been living in this limbo/void stage for a while now but this week it really seems to have shifted to allow the new stuff to begin it’s manifestation. When you’ve shed and worked through your baggage, what you’ve actually been doing is preparing yourself ready for what you’re about to receive.

We grieve the loss of who we were because it involves a little bit of our Ego dying. The Ego that tells us what to do to stay safe. When your heart over-rides this, there’s a lot of discomfort that follows.

This is one of the things that we have been dealing with this week. Personalities have changed. Priorities have changed. And now what we’re noticing is that because of this inner change that’s already taken place, it’s manifesting on the outside. We receive when we are ready and so clearing the old vibrational energies out and integrating the new ones is a vital step in the manifestation process.

You’d think when you got what you asked for, you’d be ok with it all though, right? However, it’s useful to know that it can create a great sense of overwhelm.

Am I ready? Can I cope? Is it really happening? Do I deserve it?

All these questions are the old Ego fear just whispering in your ear trying to put you off. Keep listening to your heart and let it guide the way for you.

There are some amazing changes happening for my clients. Many of them have been asking for clarity with certain situations and it has been delivered. So now they know what to do as a result of getting the information they needed to make the decisions.

It’s crunch time. It’s time to follow through.

It’s also time to enjoy the results of the hard work that you have put in and enjoy the lovely delights the Universe is bringing your way!

It really has been a whirlwind couple of weeks for many of us, and now we are entering Eclipse season so prepare to do it all again!!

99 Pathways of the Heart

Pathway 12 – Al Muhsi – Assessing What Is

I started this pathway at the beginning of Ramadhan and now feels like a good time to write about it.

“When you are drawn to this pathway, take the opportunity to stop and look through the eyes of Divine clarity at your life as it is right now.”

If this Ramadhan has taught me anything at all, it is mindfulness and being present. A lot of crap has been happening and a lot of good things have been happening too. I’ve been looking at the way I manage myself through these situations.

As someone who suffers from anxiety, this pathway again has taught me acceptance of things as they are now. I’ve said this before but you don’t necessarily have to like what’s happening to accept it. When you reject it, it creates a whirlwind of anxiety and feels overwhelming.

Sometimes you have to cut through the crap of what you want things to be or how you think things should be. At the root of it is what is happening RIGHT NOW and often we look at situations through a different lens. We stay in disappointment when we focus on as we want it to be. Nothing in life is going to be that picture perfect. Every moment is leading you to the next moment and everything is temporary and transitory. It’s very much what you choose to believe that has an impact on hardening or softening your anxiety.

The perfection is in this present moment. Accepting what IS can be really challenging because it involves surrendering. This is the ego as it starts to fall away. The ego is what you believe to be true and when that goes, parts of your identity start falling away with it. I could go a whole lot deeper with this idea, but I will save this for another post! Suffice to say that we are working with what we believe to be true in so many ways and the way we assess “what is” has a lot to do with what we believe to be true. It is always laced with judgement about our current situation.

It’s amazing how much stress falls away when you bring your mind to what is happening right now as if that is all there is. It is one of those things that you have to keep reminding yourself of. One of the things that I have been doing that has really helped me this Ramadhan is to try and be in this state of continuous dialogue with my Creator.

It helps because it means that you are talking to your Creator as if you are talking to yourself which makes you more conscious of the things that you are saying. It means that you can continuously ask for the help that you need in every moment. It also means that you can spend a lot more time in the here and now. When the worries come up, you can ask for help with them and then go back to noticing what is around you and expressing gratitude for it. It alleviates a great deal of stress for me!

It’s funny but what prompted me to write this post makes me chuckle now. I’m sat at Bru on my laptop as I write this. I’m waiting on a call from the garage because I took my car in for a service this morning. They’ve called me once already to tell me there’s work to be done and it’s going to cost me more than I thought. I felt a slight panic as I don’t actually have the money for it. That’s what credit cards are for and I’m grateful that I can defer payment but as the time comes closer to paying that bill, I can see the panic setting in. So as always, I have asked God to find me a way and holding on to that Golden Thread because everything happens for a reason.

Now, in this moment, I have two choices. I can either worry that I won’t have the money or I can trust that it will come from somewhere. I know what happens when I go in to worry. It means that I am not being present and I can get taken off on a tangent. The other option is to stay in the moment and focus on what I am doing right now which is to keep writing this post. Keep writing and just not think about something that hasn’t happened yet.

Now I know how my mind works and I will be back and forth from this thought about how I’m going to pay that bill but if I allow it to distract and then consume me, I am not going to be able to focus on getting anything done. Do you see how it works?

I have to accept that it has happened for a reason and use it to keep me focused on what I am doing. That is the clarity that this pathway talks about. It is clarity about my purpose. There’s something very magical about this present moment. It is a state of empowerment and clarity. It is a place of self-mastery. It’s understanding that you can deliver your purpose and all you need to do is stay focused on the actions that will help you to do this. I know for a fact that is all I need to do. Everything else is taken care of. Sustenance and provision is something that comes from that same Source. Creator provides. One way or another, I know it’ll be taken care of and so when I think of it like that, the worry begins to melt away.

Life is one of those things that is unpredictable. That’s a given. There is always uncertainty and that’s a given. However, if we embrace it and see where it takes us, it can feel expansive and exciting. If we worry, our energy contracts and we can’t see past the end of our own noses.

Life as it is right now.

What does that mean? It means looking around for things to appreciate. It means being thankful that the help is there. One of the big things for me working with this pathway is being able to see that some things happen so that other things can happen. We don’t always realise at the time, but what will happen for us in the future is dependent on what is happening now.

So if I look at this bill, perhaps this is what will create abundance for me. I know it’s money going out, but it is an opportunity to keep wealth circulating and by doing that I have contributed to the way the world goes round.

Everything is a dependency. I may be a speck in the grand design of this Universe, but I am a deliberately designed speck with a purpose. If we focus inward, we can create a sense of inner stability that we ride on when there is nothing certain in outer world. It is knowing that we are part of something greater and that there are other things that are dependent on us. Therein we do not exist in isolation, even when the world’s problems are beating down on us and it doesn’t feel like there is a way out. What happens next is dependent on this present moment.

Cultivating inner stability allows you to grow and change. I know even a year ago, this bill would have pushed me over the edge. It comes down to our outlook and belief that things are always getting better for us. Whatever is sent for us is good for us. This is an opportunity to trust in abundance even if things don’t look the way I want them to look right now. At least I have a car that is roadworthy and it’ll keep me safe.

ENABLING yourself with these beliefs is the way to create the way you want to be feeling right now. The way you feel is what creates the next thing. That is Law of Attraction in a nutshell.

If you can look around and be happy with what you have and be in acceptance of all of it, it helps. It is understanding that as you look around, everything is already changing because everything is temporary. Sometimes, it can feel as though nothing is really happening but life and the whole Universe is in continuous motion. When I think about this, it blows my mind. You can sit still and watch the whole Universe moving around you know that you too are moving even if you don’t feel it. It’s crazy!

I’ll conclude this pathway by asking you to take a moment today to sit still and notice at how much has moved for you. Think about the things you can’t see and the things that you can. Understand that you are in constant motion. Take a breath and allow yourself to catch up with THIS present moment.

Let me know how it feels!

Healing

Surrender is the Frenemy

The Goal of Faith is Surrender

One of the things that has really struck me whilst I’ve been fasting is the way in which our faith can drive us in a way that is unexplainable. Faith brings motivation to do the unthinkable. It powers us to accomplish otherwise difficult actions with ease. Quite a phenomena…I started thinking about this.

On a normal day, going without food and water in the same way would be really difficult, but there’s something about giving it up willingly that makes it easier. It’s difficult to articulate because I don’t want you to think that it is easy to do, but at the same time I want you to understand that it is made easier when backed by faith.

For me, this faith is based on surrender. What you notice when you’ve surrendered is just how easy it feels. That is because you are choosing this for yourself. You own that decision and you are fully in alignment with it. You’re not complaining about it. You’re simply getting on and doing it.

This works when it is decisions of our own choosing, but when life happens and the chips are down, that is when we really start to work with surrender. It’s a Frenemy for a lot of people. If you believe that there is a higher plan and that everything happens for a reason, it makes surrender easier. Having said that though, the human mind will need to go through it’s own reasoning and rationalising process. This is otherwise known as resistance.

Surrender is one of the most difficult things because it involves loss and ego. When we surrender, we give up a part of our identity and we are so attached to our identity that it causes us to grieve and feel like we’ve lost something.

In life, sometimes we fight and sometimes we surrender. It is knowing which will serve our highest good and going with what feels right in the moment.

In the healing room, we help you to surrender to what you can’t change and fight for what you can. It’s about untangling yourself from what holds you so that you can walk through life with the freedom and power that comes from doing things willingly.

If you’re having trouble untangling yourself, please get in touch. I’d love to help you.

Energy Updates, Healing

Energy Update 28th May, 2018

Hey hey!! It’s an interesting time energy wise. I was teetering on the edge of whether or not to do an energy update this week. I’m fasting at the moment and so my energy has been all over the place while I adjust. I decided to put off doing an update until I felt in a place where it wouldn’t be clouded with the distortion.

It got me thinking though in the sense that we are never separate from everything else that is happening in the universe and so maybe the collective is experiencing the same distortion? I know there are millions of people fasting around the world and it is a time for conscious reflection and inner change. This is a Universal theme and one that we are all working with. I certainly feel that fasting has given me an accelerated feeling in terms of this inner reflection and change and there is a lot to be said for the growth that comes as a result.

There is a full moon tomorrow and that explains why I’ve been grumpy and inwards the last couple of days. This new moon feels intense and serious. It feels like it is consolidating change and for those of you who have been feeling the build up, it feels like this is about setting in the changes of the past few months. It hasn’t been an easy trip, but it is lovely to feel at the point where we are integrating lessons.

Sometimes we are receiving lessons and that’s when everything is changing around us and it moves so fast and we have to deal with things whether we like them or not. And sometimes, you get this lovely energy of integration. It still pushes us, but in a very different way.

The theme of the last couple of months has been this idea of being aware of your part in everything and so with this knowledge it feels like we are beginning to learn how to direct our own lives and guide ourselves towards our future.

Try as much as possible to notice the inner changes. Who have you gone off? What are you finding difficult to tolerate? What’s starting to wind you up and why? Pay attention to the answers. Look at where you’re blaming others and when you’re blaming yourself.

There’s a tricky aspect to this energy in that it is breaking down the Ego and the sense of identity to the extent where we are experiencing such a massive void that we feel lost. In that place, any sense of purpose or belonging goes out of the window. You need to feel lost in order to find your way. If anything, it will tell you whether you continue on the same path or change direction. There is nothing finite in the decisions that we make for ourselves and it is ok to change to something that feels better for us if that’s necessary.

You may find that some things just don’t seem to want to work out and you may just have to accept that it isn’t the right time. It’ll keep and come back around when the time is right.

All in all, really interesting energies this week. Personally, I’m feeling pulled inwards and will likely stay there until the Full Moon has passed. Full moons are usually a deeper cleansing so a lot of us are going to really be feeling it. Expect to be a little mardy…it’s all good.

It does feel like victory is just around the corner though so hang in there. Personal battles fought and won is the theme of this moon for me. Hang tight and see you on the other side!

 

99 Pathways of the Heart

Pathway 11 – Al-Musawir – Designing and Training

 

Now this pathway I found really interesting for where I am in my life. I have just been away to Istanbul. My second visit to what I consider in many ways to be a spiritual home.

I was called the first time, and fortunate enough to be called again. The first trip triggered a long process of cleansing and clearing, and those experiences led me to where I am at now. All the good, the bad and the ugly that needed to be raised to make me who I am was as a result of that trip and I’m certainly grateful for it. Although at the time, I had no idea that it would be the catalyst for such massive change.

I feel as if everything that I had asked for on that first trip had been achieved so going back felt like closure in a way. A feeling of peace and gratitude, but also space to shape the next phase of my life.

This pathway gave me just that. It is about shaping our lives, but also allowing ourselves to be shaped through our experiences. It highlights that the Divine shapes and moulds us in to what we are through our experiences and that process is one of continuous evolution.

For me, this pathway made me think again about who I want to be. I felt like I have grown in to the person I wanted to be, but sometimes when that process is complete, there is a void to fill.  The pathway shows us that we are being moulded and kneaded in to shape all of the time. This can either feel like we want to escape life or embrace it – and it very much depends on how much we are able to surrender to the process.

While I was away, I had some magical experiences and moments of insight and wisdom. You know when you cross paths with strangers and the words exchanged are just what you needed to hear and the answer is clear? Those sorts of experiences that I will cherish and never forget. Accidental happenings that answered the questions I was seeking answers to.

Practicing this pathway made me realise that the route to getting here was a long journey of many steps, yet I was feeling so impatient about knowing the answers and for me, it showed me that the answers keep revealing themselves. Sometimes you just have to relax and it becomes crystal clear.

The first stage is this concept of surrendering and accepting that I do not know best. It’s funny that when you allow yourself to be guided, everything becomes a message from the Divine and you can feel your heart talking to you and leading you to where you need to be. For me, surrender has always been challenging and I am still working on it. I noticed pretty much straight away how much expectation plays a role in my suffering and sense of control. Surrender means acceptance of everything, good and bad and saying I am happy with this. I thought I had this down, but exploring this pathway made me see my inner control freak in full blown technicolour. It also made me look at my Ego in a different way, and helped me to see aspects of my shadow that I had been avoiding looking at.

This places control in a different light in that we try so hard to avoid confronting the shadow aspects of ourselves. We feel guilt and shame for feeling the way we feel about certain things, and this is something that we hold. Using this pathway, surrendering those feelings simply by acknowledging that they were present within me gave me a sense of peace. It also gave me permission not to be in control, and a realisation that I could experience this shadow aspect without causing any harm to anyone else.

I think as human beings, we have an idea of what a “good” person should or should not think or do and when we have emotions that conflict with this, it becomes difficult to deal with because we feel like it makes us a bad person and it is shameful. Through this pathway, I felt like I was learning all over again to be responsible for everything I was feeling and to really own it. It is difficult to own your Ego and overcome shadow feelings. Sometimes we feel bitterness, resentment, irritation, anger, impatience, envy, rejection, sadness, misery but we think we can not feel it fully because it has an impact on the people around us. Sure, people may notice that you are not yourself, but you can not harm them with what you are feeling. You only harm yourself by not honestly facing what is there.

This pathway about designing and training is about living honestly and understanding the contrast that the shadow aspects of yourself allow you to see. By avoiding the shadow, there is a clear message that these are emotions you do not want to feel. This resistance is also a resistance to allowing the Divine to shape you. It contradicts acceptance and surrender to all things that are bestowed on you, regardless of how it all feels to you.

By knowing what you don’t want, ultimately you understand what you do want. I felt like the counter emotion to all these shadow aspects I was discovering is Love. When I asked myself, “How do I want to redesign my life?” the answer is with Love. To work through your shadows, you need Love. To ensure your reality feels good to you, you need Love. To surrender, you need Love.

The pathway is about continuous evolution and the way Creator changes us over time, and in our darkest moments we forget that even that is out of Love. This whole process of being human with all it’s intricacies is made easier with Love.

I remember how it used to be before I came to this path. I always used to think “Why me?” when I recalled all the moments of darkness, all the painful experiences, all the suffering I felt I had to go through. It all makes perfect sense though when I think about it because I needed to go through all that to be here doing this. You never grasp it at the time, but there are some experiences that are absolutely necessary as without them, you can not appreciate the fullness of your gifts here on Earth.

Finally, for me this pathway was very much about getting out of my own way and almost disappearing to allow the life force to work on moulding me. The trouble with the human mind is that it always has an opinion on what is happening! This pathway has taught me neutrality in it’s purest sense and given me a sense of curiosity. It taught me that I can set an intention and ask for something and it will be received. However, the way I receive it and the timing are not things I have any control over. It allowed me to pose the question, “What happens if I do nothing?” and I was finding clear guidance and signs and synchronicities as a result. It gave me confirmation that there are signs, and the path is lit up, but we are so caught up in trying to control and mould our own lives that we forget that there is a bigger picture. This higher plan will play out regardless of whether we do or we don’t.

From this, I took away something very important and that is the feeling of peace that comes with accepting the good and the bad and being happy with all emotions. Although we may not entirely be convinced that what happens to us is for the best, if we can see that it isn’t the end point and take the lessons that it brings, it gives us peace. Where my Ego would say that’s passive, it makes sense to just drop it and get out of my own way by saying, “Yes ok – thank you because I know this is leading me somewhere.” The critical learning is that in that moment of GRRRR – it isn’t the end point yet your ego will make you feel like it is. Continuous motion, continuous learning and continuous evolution. If you grasp this, life becomes something very different and the joy comes back. It is, in itself, a way of connecting and staying connected through the pain.

When you reject a situation, you become separated and disconnected from Source and it feels that there is no help and support. Why would Creator do this to you? As Rumi said, “The cure is in the pain.” In actual fact, it is an opportunity for you to accept and be the closest that you can be to Creator. Those painful emotions are a way of bringing you closer to the Truth but it is only through facing those shadows that we get there.

The pathway recommends that we get a feel for the design of our lives even if all the steps are not clear yet. It also suggests that we look at what’s going on inside us with love and discipline to clear and dissolve. It shows us that there isn’t an end point. Nothing is good and nothing is bad. It is all purely experience that shapes us.

It may not make sense at the time, but it will one day. For me, it is stepping back and allowing these experiences to support personal perfection, learning and growth. It is not judging the feelings and experiences and it is understanding that Love changes and moulds everything.