99 Pathways of the Heart

99 Pathways of the Heart

Pathway 17 – Al-Matin – Step by Step Persistence

There’s some pathways you come across where you know that there’s a life lesson involved and there’s pathways that show you just how far you’ve come. This was a bit of both for me.

“When you are guided to this pathway, take the opportunity to connect with the sacred qualities of practicality and deliberation, of small steps taken over a long period of time.”

I know there’s been a massive gap between the last pathway and this one and that’s because there has been a lot of learning and integration that has taken place in the time in between.

In the last pathway I talked a lot about shadow work and learning to take responsibility for the parts of yourself that are difficult to own. I feel that this pathway has taken me in a lot deeper and shown me how shadows work on a whole new level.

The pathway talks about step by step persistence. It says, “Love also demands this type of persistence, especially when a relationship has begun to mature beyond attraction, in to something deeper.”

This is what I’ve been exploring on a number of levels within myself since I last posted on my journey with the pathways. Self-love is something that I’ve been learning to cultivate for a long time and one of the biggest realisations was just how much deeper I needed to go with this.

I feel like my relationship with myself and also with my work has reached that level of maturity that the pathway talks about. I relate it to my own journey. When I first discovered energy healing, it led me to create an idea of who I wanted to be and the work I wanted to do. As I travelled on this path, I started becoming that woman I always saw myself to be and doing the work I wanted to do. I saw myself making the difference I wanted to make and I am achieving that.

I look upon that now as the honeymoon period when I started to fall in love with myself, or at least this idea of who I wanted to be. I put all my effort and energy in to pursuing this dream. I worked hard to become that person and find what needed to be healed.

As my relationship with myself and the love I have cultivated for myself and my work starts to mature and deepen, I find that there are challenges and it doesn’t get easier. The more we uncover about ourselves, the more we are challenged to love our imperfections. The more we are challenged, the deeper in to ourselves it takes us.

Over the last few weeks, I’ve really been paying attention to what’s happening in my life. I’m observing what I’m doing and saying. I’m observing what other people are doing and saying and I am learning a great deal. To be able to watch without judging, that is a labour of love. To love without attachment, that is an art in itself.

I find I’m not the woman I fell in love with. I’m not willing to be defined that way or any way but I’m finding I love myself anyway. Who I am, just like any long term relationship, has morphed and changed. It just is what it is and doesn’t need defining anymore. When that happens, that relationship really doesn’t look like what you thought it would. When you get to this place, you realise that kind of love takes strength. It takes persistence and courage. It takes a conscious decision that even though it isn’t what you thought it would be, you’re choosing to love it anyway.

My path over the last few weeks has been a rollercoaster on a personal and emotional level. I’ve had some really tough challenges and I’ve had to really make a decision about how I feel about myself and what I’m going to do for myself out of love for myself. It’s meant shutting down for a while. It’s meant standing my ground. It’s meant not allowing anyone else’s opinion to cloud how I feel. It’s meant reaching in for my own truth. It’s meant expressing, sharing and really pushing myself out of my comfort zone.

The detail of what I’m facing is irrelevant but suffice to say that there will always be people who try to bring you down. Some with their words and some with their actions. I say this because with the last pathway we talked about being responsible for ourselves and our projections. I’m also learning to discern my own truth and that means that rather than own everything, I’m recognising that people play out their own pain by throwing it at other people. This is what I mean when I say “To be able to watch without judging, that is a labour of love. To love without attachment, that is an art in itself.” I’m not willing to own someone else’s pain. I bless their journey but I know what’s mine and what’s not.

If you allow anything to cause doubt within yourself, you lose. When you love another, you trust them with your whole heart and you don’t doubt if they are true. When you love yourself, you must see it exactly the same way. I’ve learnt this and it’s unearthed a massive strength in me.

Persistence means that you have to fight for yourself. As an empath, I’m great at fighting for others but maybe not so good at fighting for myself. One of things that this pathway has shown me is just how much I love myself and love my work. When push comes to shove, if my ability to do my work is threatened, I will fight to the death and I will win. Nothing is going to bring me down and each time it tries to take me down, I come back a hell of a lot stronger. That’s because I know what I bring to this world is important. I’m fighting for me but I’m also fighting for all of those people who benefit from what I do.

I think the most beautiful thing that’s come alive for me is this fire that I know I’ve always had in me. I think as you reach in to spirituality, you almost believe that you need to put that fire out for the sake of love and light. That fire is courage in adversity. That fire is fighting for what you believe in. That fire is a relentless amount of self-assuredness. That fire must never be diluted, especially for those that are making a difference in this world.

None of this comes without persistence. None of this comes without a fight. None of this comes without being challenged. For me, I didn’t realise it but this is what I’ve been building step by step. I couldn’t see it at the time, but everything leads you to the moment where you’re at right now. Perhaps you need to be challenged for you to find your strength? Perhaps you need the darkness to come at you for you to overcome it?

I believe that this is all the alchemy of the Universe at work. Every action is a small step towards something greater. I sometimes forget there’s a bigger picture and get bogged down in the detail of it all but I’m human. It sometimes takes adversity to show you just how far you have travelled.

I take great strength from this pathway. It’s a long journey full of twists and turns, full of challenges but look how beautiful it can be. It’s designed to help you find yourself and if you can see that, you’ll keep at it.

99 Pathways of the Heart

Pathway 16 – Flexible Strength

“When you are guided to this pathway, take the opportunity to feel a flexible strength that can adapt to any situation and yet remain rooted in, and moving toward, the purpose of your life.”

This pathway came at just the right time for me to integrate many of the lessons that I am learning on this journey. I’ve talked before about distraction and how sometimes being an empath can mean that you get absorbed and pulled in to everyone else’s stuff. We can feel resentful because our full focus is not on our own mission.

Over the last few weeks, I’ve been consciously looking at how I get pulled away and distracted and I’ve made a lot of changes. The first thing that I want to say is thank you to all the true friends that have understood that I’ve needed me and my work to come first. It’s appreciated more than you know.

One of aspects of this pathway is developing strength from the way that we look at the past. For those of you that know me, you’ll know I do a lot of work with the shadow aspect. The shadow is all about looking at all the things that you’re not so comfortable with and I feel that it’s a way of breaking down the ego.

The pathway talks about forgetting the past and just keeping going. I find this really interesting and I don’t take that literally. I think there is much to be gained by understanding that you can’t just put your past in a box and pretend that it doesn’t exist. Part of shadow work is to revisit some of the more uncomfortable parts and to work through them and with them in a way that allows us to learn more about who we are. This process helps us to accept parts of ourselves that we may have disowned because of shame or anger at the way we behaved. Learning love and compassion for yourself means that you have to go in and be able to accept all of this to be whole.

We all have parts of ourselves that we don’t care to name and shame because it is deeply troubling. These parts usually are distinguished as the judgements we make about others. It’s hard to accept that that’s ourselves being reflected back at us. I know when I first started working with my shadow aspects, it sent me in to deep despair and it was so easy to let those things bring me down. That was because I didn’t fully own them and I hadn’t healed from them and so they still had a lot of power of me as a person.

It is easy when we face adversity to act out old shadows. Sometimes it is that inner child surfacing and being able to face yourself takes courage. It means being able to feel pain, shame, anger, fear and know that it has a place within you along with everything else. The spiritual journey isn’t all love and light and rainbows and unicorns! There are times when it is deeply uncomfortable getting to the truth. And the truth isn’t always fashionable enough to wear so we wear a mask instead. All of this starts to become apparent as you work with the shadow. It takes courage and being human, sometimes my courage fails but I think even approaching your shadow is a good start.

I do this because I want to be authentically myself. Sometimes authenticity can get lost in politeness and people pleasing. You’ll notice how that feels in yourself and I know that I don’t like it. I don’t like letting people down but when it’s a choice between that and letting myself down, I’ve learnt that it’s not always easy to choose me. It’s something that will take time to master and there’s a lot to work through.

There is darkness within all of us but part of our inner work is to face it and begin the alchemical process of transmuting it and learning to shine light on it so that it becomes something more than just a painful memory. From this process, we develop the flexible strength that this pathway is teaching us about. A person is more than the sum of their parts. When we identify all the parts, we become that something more. This is what I’m talking about. It isn’t the easiest thing to name those parts and become that something more.

When you know yourself, you are truly resilient in the face of adversity. When you are reluctant to face all aspects of yourself, you’re likely to be triggered. I think it always goes, “Trigger first, lesson later!” We need time to ponder and reflect and life is amazing in the way that it presents the lessons to us on a plate. Each trigger is an opportunity to learn and grow. Sometimes it starts with a bitch and a vent, but as you work through it, you realise that you need to own that judgement that you’ve made because it’s showing you who you are. When you’re at peace with it, you’ll experience it without being triggered. This is true strength.

There’s “who we like to think we are” versus “who we actually are” and the ego likes to hold on to it’s ideas about our identity and how we define ourselves. We have deeply set ideas, some so deep set that we’ve yet to see them.

There’s always more to do in breaking down the ego and it can sometimes feel like you’re treading water and that you’ll never be free of it. Even that is an acceptance in itself. You are in the actual process when you acknowledge it and try to make peace with it. It always feels better to me to acknowledge that I am on my way to something. It’s the process that’s more important than the outcome. When we focus on the outcome, we realise that it’s too big. When we focus on the process, we see that we’re taking steps towards something. A step in the direction you’re choosing feels better than perfection.

It’s always interesting to say the least working with the shadow aspect. We start to discover just how many lies we have told ourselves – more than we care to admit. It’s a level of honesty that you can’t really be ready for when it hits you. It makes sense to do it though because you arrive at a truer version of yourself than the one you are now. Constantly moving and evolving to get to the truth of who you are is meaningful work and it grows you.

And once you start on the quest for truth, you can’t stop!

99 Pathways of the Heart

99 Pathways of the Heart – Being an “Old Soul”

Pathway 15 – Al-Muqaddim – Preparing the way

“When you are guided to this pathway, take the opportunity to acknowledge the part of your being that feels “oldest,” and prepare the way for power to flow through your life.”

So this is the pathway that I have been exploring and it started with a healing transmission that I did at the beginning of November which started a profound shift for me in terms of accessing the oldest parts of my being.

Power is an interesting concept, particularly for me. Since I began on this journey, everything has been about stepping in to my power and continuously I’m finding newer ways to do this. I had some funny ideas about power when I first started on this journey, but as I’ve grown, I’ve come to see it as a positive force in my life.

The pathway really is about delving in to who we are. Our souls were created long before our bodies were and so that part of us has lived and acquired a great deal of wisdom.

One of the things I noticed as soon as I started work with this pathway was the number of references made in relation to me being an “old soul.” The first time I heard that phrase I must have been about 17 and I’d sneaked away to London for the day. I went to Camden Market and was mooching around. I met this guy who looked like an old sage and he was full of love and life. I can still see his face. We ended up chatting for a long while. He caught sight of the palm of my hand and asked if he could have a look. I felt a bit hesitant but I agreed. He told me I was a very old soul but it wouldn’t be later in life until I realised what that meant. I’d completely forgotten about this experience and now that I’m writing about it, it brings it all back for me.

The story came back to me because I’ve only just realised that what he set in motion has resulted in this here today and I believe he knew exactly what he was doing. In this work, I am fortunate enough to be deliberately and consciously setting in motion change for those I work with.

It made me look at how I work with people and what I’m able to access. The pathway drew me to connect even deeper within myself. We spend life trying to define who we are in this world when really who we are sits within our soul. Once we start connecting to that deeper sense, everything in life starts to move around us for us to be able to fully understand and return to that original soul self.

The pathway is about returning back to our original image and this journey here in this world is what creates the means for us to do this. Life teaches us the nature of who we really are on one level. I’m talking about going beyond that. I’m talking about being from a place that you can’t access in a physical way.

For those of you who have read previous blogs, you’ll know that I talk about “going home” and by that I mean that place where we came from that’s before this world or any other world. It always seemed separate from me until I started to understand how to channel it in this world. I have more of a sense of belonging now that I ever have.

The adventure with this pathway was to learn how to go deeper within and I have found that connecting with this idea that I have been this energy for much longer than the 39 years here on earth has had a profound shift in my energy. I understand power on a much deeper level and it really is having an impact on the way I’m choosing to live.

The whole world looks different to me as a result. I’ve always been seeking to find my place here on Earth and each time I find it, I find new levels of understanding it. It’s not possible, I don’t think, to understand your place here unless you also understand where your soul has been.

I’m blessed to be an old soul and it really is becoming a distinct part of who I am. It gives me a uniqueness as a person. It has also made me curious enough to delve deeper. All of this enquiry is for a reason – this I know for certain. Synchronistically with this pathway, I’ve discovered aspects of my ancestry that have helped me to understand my spiritual gifts on a much deeper level. When healing is literally in your blood, you have no choice but to accept that’s who you are. It’s beautiful and it’s taken my sense of belonging to another level which is great for me and for the world!

I think the most amazing aspect of this pathway though is allowing yourself to open up and letting the power of YOU flow through. The more you access this part of yourself, the more you are preparing the way for what’s to come next. One of the beautiful things about this pathway is that it opens you up to wonder. I always talk about potential and fulfilling that potential but this is on a whole other level. It’s like you’ve got back up and support and everything you need. It’s like you are that potential in every moment.

With this pathway being so profound and deep, I’m actually having a challenging time in articulating how it’s making me feel. Suffice to say though that like all the other ways, it is changing me for the better. The closest phrase to describe how I feel is that “I am really coming into my own.” That sort of captures it.

The feelings you get when you’re accessing this are out of this world. Phenomenal. I wish I could tell you how or what to do to get there because everyone needs to feel this. I’m still integrating and working that out but when I have that in a practical form, I will share it. There is a sense of pride that comes from knowing yourself in this way. It isn’t an ego thing, simply a sense of contentment and being sure about who you are. This may not make much sense but if you know, you know.

There is a whole other world and worlds within worlds to discover. Such is the beauty of connecting to yourself, your power, your lineage, your ancestry, and the source of all that power.

“This is love.

To fly toward a secret sky,

to cause a hundred veils to fall each moment.

First to let go of life.

Finally, to take a step without feet.”

Rumi

99 Pathways of the Heart

99 Pathways of the Heart – Maintaining and nourishing yourself

“When you are guided to this pathway, take the opportunity to feel a very steady yet powerful state of awareness in your being that maintains and nourishes you and others.”

This is the pathway that I’ve been reflecting on this past week and it is one that presents plenty of challenges for me. Embodying a steady state is something that I have been working on for as far as I can remember. For me, there is a juxtaposition here with being a free spirit.

This pathway requires pulling yourself inwards whilst you experience life. Being a free spirit, it’s easy for my heart to be called elsewhere. I want to talk about this because for me it is one the most challenging aspects of who I am as a person. This is where the conflict lies and I’m noticing that it is how my power escapes sometimes.

I know I have this immense reservoir of love within me and the capacity to nourish and give to others. This pathway takes me further in to using this source to help maintain myself and it is this very thing that I have been trying to do for a long time. This pathway has helped me to uncover a whole other level and given me an awareness and perspective that goes deeper.

For those of us that are empathic, it’s very easy to relegate our own needs in order to serve others. We think that this is why we came here – to serve. That’s part of it but not the whole of it.

This pathway really made me look at the way I give and the expectations that I have created from others around me. When I began to pull it back and go within, what struck me is how very little I have given myself. With a reservoir so large, it’s almost as if I think can survive on a lot less from the pot so rather than taking from it, I put in to it. This brings up feelings of guilt and feeling selfish. At the same time, I look around me and notice that perhaps I feel this more because of the belief that I came here to serve. There are deep set emotions here about worthiness attached to this and whether I deserve to take when I can give so much. It became obvious to me that there was very little balance in my life when it came to this.

It’s been a really challenging week and working with this pathway has actually made me feel really sad. I have to be raw and honest about how I feel. That’s what this space is for and it needs to be expressed.

The pathway also reminds me that I must not overextend myself. This is what occurred to me and I can see clearly where I am doing this. I can blame being an empath to some extent but the truth of it is that I have plenty of fleeting whims and distractions all created by my ego to prevent me from embodying this state. I can see that very clearly. I realised that I can’t hide behind anything anymore. Especially not when it has been shown to me this clearly. When you realise how little you have given yourself, it brings up anger and resentment and I’ve had to spend a lot of time working with this. I’ve allowed this and I forgive myself. I can change and that is what I am doing. Easy statements to make but if you’ve ever gone through this, you’ll know the raw emotion it brings up.

This idea of sacrifice comes with this type work and it’s something that keeps coming up for me to clear away. The idea that being in service should be at the expense of your own self simply isn’t true. I am entitled to a life just like everyone else. There’s a paradox here as the “service” is actually what I have chosen to do. It’s my own path I’m creating so it is as much for me as it is for humanity. The ego makes you choose one or the other and we are conditioned to believe that choosing service to others is the better thing to do. In actual fact, we can have both but it takes a lot of unlearning which I am still learning to do.

When I call the ego out on this, the contradictions are so very obvious. There is so much pain in saying goodbye to old ways of being. I’ve always tried to be conscious of what my ego is doing and exploring the pathways has brought up a lot of wounds that need to be healed within myself.

It isn’t easy getting the balance within yourself between serving others and serving yourself. We are brought up with conditioning that tells us that putting ourselves first is selfish. We’re taught a linear way of thinking that suggests that if we think about ourselves first, it means that we don’t care about others. It’s difficult to shift to a way of thinking that enables you to be equal to others and there’s a perception that to consider yourself equal equates to being egotistical. It gets really complicated because you can think this logically in your head but when the feelings of guilt show themselves, your heart gets pulled straight back. This is what I’m grappling with.

I’m always banging on about self-worth and I’m a work in progress but what I am learning here has come at a critical time for me. My life is interesting because of the demanding nature of my work. I get phone calls and text messages all the time asking me all sorts of things. I’ve always felt the need to answer and help and I don’t regret helping. I do sometimes resent the demands and that’s me being really honest. I take full responsibility for this now where in the past I’d have blamed others. I’ve created and met these expectations without even thinking about it and it’s difficult to undo without experiencing emotional turmoil. Meeting demands is what I’ve been looking at taking a step back from because there is a line where my work ends and I begin and that can get blurred very easily. Even though boundaries have been set, a plea for help is a plea for help and my heart isn’t one that can ignore it easily. So it’s been an emotional time because for each time that has happened, I’ve had to ask myself who I am putting first. I’m learning to deal with the emotion that comes with it and I can tell you it isn’t easy but it is necessary. This is a spiritual lesson that needs to be learned.

A strong feeling of discomfort comes from taking a step back. It’s like going against what your heart is telling you when you don’t reply to a plea for help but I had to explore this feeling for myself. It feels as if people are relying on me. It feels that there is an urgency for them that I am ignoring and that somehow makes me a bad person. Again, this linear way of thinking is one I’m learning to undo because a lot of that conditioning simply isn’t true.

What I have realised with this pathway is that I go deep and I do have a lot to give. My priority has become to maintain that within myself. Embodying a steady state of awareness and power is important but I didn’t realise how important it was for maintaining and nourishing myself. I thought I was doing that and I know now that I am not doing enough of it. The reason for this is the raw emotion, the guilt, the anger, the feeling selfish that I’m still learning to overcome. And all this just to feel equal to others! It’s mind blowing because I thought I was overcoming myself in terms of self-worth but there’s always more I need to be shown and more I need to do.

It’s interesting because although I do take a lot of time for myself and I switch off when I have to, I’ve developed some sticky habits when it comes to work. It’s the belief that work overrides everything because of it’s nature. It doesn’t though. What overrides everything is my state of being and my ability to maintain and nourish myself and I’m starting to look at that as often as I can in response to meeting the worlds demands on me. I’m taking it one moment at a time and seeing how it feels to choose me.

Just when you think you’ve got the self-worth thing down, the universe throws you a massive curve ball. With things changing as rapidly as they are, this is a very valuable lesson that the universe is giving me. I’ve noticed how quickly it can become about everything else. I’ve noticed how my free spirit slips away under the mask of empathy.

Old beliefs and old habits are dying hard. I’m working hard on taking the shame out of “I’m putting myself first.” It’s one I think a lot of us can relate to. If nice people finish last, I’m not ok with that and so I’m determined to prove that wrong.

I am just as important as everyone else and I’m determined not to forget it!

99 Pathways of the Heart

Pathway 13 – Ar-Rauf – Healing Wings

So after quite a long break, I decided today to pick back up on the pathways again because it felt like I needed to reconnect. The last few months have been a time for extreme expansion and inner healing for me and so I caught this pathway and found myself working through it. It’s always as if this book knows exactly what is needed and this is the beauty of life. If you seek answers, you’ll find them. Sometimes, it isn’t the answer we were looking for. Sometimes it is the truth and we find that hard to bear, but nevertheless it is an answer.

This pathway is about reconnecting your heart to Unity. Sometimes we have to remind ourselves that we do not exist in isolation from others. I’ve always been quite a solitary person. I’ve also been a very strong person and my story always goes, “I don’t need anyone.”

The one thing I have learnt from my story is that when you give off the vibe that you don’t need anyone, you attract people that couldn’t care less about you. Have a think about that one. I know I did.

Receiving help and healing from others is one of the hardest things that I have had to learn. I am still learning it if I’m really honest.

This pathway for me showed me what that was all about. The last few months for me have been a struggle to stay in balance. When the ego falls away, we feel lost. When all our beliefs are challenged, we question who we are. When we feel lost, we need help and coming in to balance means that we need to connect on three deep levels.

Firstly we need to connect with Divine Source to truly be able to see the world through Creator’s eyes. We need to connect deep within ourselves to discover our desires and joy. We also need to connect ourselves with everything that is around us because like I said, we do not exist in isolation.

Without going in to too much detail, I’ve had experiences over the last few months that have really challenged me on all three levels and the expansion and awareness has changed me. For me this pathway is about recognising the struggle that we have when we become disconnected.

We think we have everything sussed and sorted and then along comes someone or something that brings out a whole lot more in you that needs to be healed. Someone or something that makes you question what you believe in. Someone or something that makes you admit what you really want isn’t in alignment with your story. Someone or something that allows you to open up and receive help and healing.

It is opening on a deep level and often these things are unexpected and meant to throw you off balance. All UNLEARNING is learning and part of the soul’s journey is to disconnect to be able to reconnect. We can arrive in a comfort zone with our spirituality unless we continuously challenge what we hold to be true. That in itself brings us to a better understanding of the Divine, of ourselves and of the world around us.

This separation between ourselves and Creator/ourselves/our world is something I want to touch on because for a lot of empaths like me, we have this yearning for home. We don’t know where home is but we have always had this longing and this deep sadness because we feel separated from it. Those of you who know, will know.

This pathway pointed to something quite poignant for me. It led me to explore all the times that I had tried to heal the separation within myself. The separation and disconnectedness can be healed through this idea that we are part of Unity. That is home.

Being spiritual isn’t simply about a set of ideals and beliefs. It’s about connecting on the three levels that I have mentioned. It is about striving to achieve that balance within yourself. It’s about repairing all the connections and this for me is the deepest kind of healing.

Sometimes we are shown through trauma and experience. Sometimes we are shown by another person who has entered our lives to teach us this very lesson. All I know is that you need to dig deep and challenge what you think you already know about yourself. For me, it was reminding myself that I also need help.

It is when I need help, comfort, affection that I am at my most vulnerable because it challenges my story. I’m admitting this here and now and I’m choosing to see this as a strength. Over the last few months, I’ve seen what compassion really is from people I would not have expected it from and it’s taken me to new depths in the way I operate in the world.

I’ve learnt what it means to receive compassion and real love and to be able to express it for another. I’ve learnt that I am absolutely safe being vulnerable because I trust that Divine is always looking out for me. I’ve learnt that when I am out of balance, I need to heal the separation within myself.

This pathway took me to a whole new level of opening within myself. I thought my heart was open and I’ve learnt that even though it is open, it can open so much wider.

Energy Updates, Healing

Energy Update 4th September 2018

Well here we are and it’s been heavy and intense the last week. There is a hell of a lot of crap being pushed up to the surface and we are healing and doing more healing and continue healing!

Physically, the symptoms have been a thick or foggy head including migraines and headaches. Ears have been ringing. Dizzy spells have been common. Generally a feeling of being ungrounded and uprooted.

With this, there’s been unrest. A lot of emotional restlessness. An impatience for things to start moving again and an unwillingness to back down. Sound familiar?

It really is taking it’s toll this week. I know on a personal level, I’ve had to take some time out to just shut down and recalibrate the systems! This intensity will continue although the flow of it seems to be getting easier as we work through the lessons.

It feels as if we just have to master letting go of expectations. That’s pretty difficult because to manifest what we want, we have to expect that it will materialise. What I’m talking about is getting yourself in to focus and in to a headspace where the outcome is irrelevant. This period of limbo is about building full trust and faith and allowing yourself to be led.

The Universe always has your highest interests at heart and the stagnancy that we have felt of late has created a wishy washy kind of energy. It’s important that we don’t stay in this for too long. It has been heavy and it has been difficult to keep moving. More than ever, we are being required to push ourselves a little bit further.

You’ll have noticed in the midst of all this that you are starting to get really clear on what resonates with you and what doesn’t. It should be starting to become really clear to you what needs dropping from your life because it seems as though the triggers are everywhere.

The thing I am finding the most difficult at the moment is the balancing act between ourselves and other people. We have to choose to put ourselves first.

In the spiritual journey, there will be times when you feel so far apart in your way of thinking from those that you are closest to but know that that is ok. Your truth will continue to evolve and as it does, you may find that you judge those with a different perspective, or you feel judged by them. This is all experience and it is teaching us real detachment with love. It can be difficult to stay in love and compassion with those closest to you if they can’t understand your need to process in a different way to them. This is all part of working out your place in the world.

We are coming to the cross roads and the new moon on the 8th should be bringing us some unexpected surprises. My feeling is that we are heading towards having everything we want but something tells me that it won’t look anything like we planned it to be. Therefore this time is a time of opening up and acceptance of things as they are.

There is a great deal of courage required as our old belief systems fall away. It can feel as if the world is breaking off in fragments right before your eyes. It is the collapse of the old ways of thinking.

If there is one thing that helps me more than anything it is holding on to this affirmation.

I AM LOVE. I CAME HERE TO BE LOVE AND BE LOVED.

This is all. Just keep remembering this and you’ll ride this storm. New Moon New Start is  how I’m feeling the energies at the moment so I’m using this time to get things in order. It’s time to really start thinking seriously about where things are going and how you can direct them.

 

Energy Updates, Healing

No time for fake ones – Energy Update 28th July, 2018

Yo! Feeling a bit Gangsta Rap this week and the energies are seriously ramping up. If you’ve struggled with sleep and you’re feeling tetchy around people that are not authentic, welcome to New Earth! The energies around are about being real, saying it exactly how it is and unapologetically taking what’s rightfully yours. Entitlement, Power, Ownership. This is some strong ass energy coming through and it’s opening us all up to new experiences and new ways of thinking about the world. Personally, I bloody love this wild, wolf like sass that’s being unleashed. It’s bold, it’s brazen and it’s empowering. It’s about change and this is the crux. Change is inevitable and our experience of these energies is influenced by our willingness to accept change.

Expect all your old perceptions to be challenged on the deepest level that you can manage and remember the confusion is temporary. This is the bit where you start working it all out. This is when the pennies start to drop. The energies around us are helping us even though it seems like more of a hindrance because of the frustration or fear of change. There’s a lot of work around “old me” and “new me” and it’s uncomfortable. To the max – UNCOMFORTABLE but it’s necessary. Progress is found in the Dis-Comfort Zone so expect to be challenged and expect to feel uncomfortable. Style it out and see how the different aspects of “new me” feel to you. You’ll know quite quickly what’s authentically you and what’s not. I like this experimental aspect as it has a really open feel to it. It feels ok to explore and discover. We have this gateway open to lead us to who we are becoming.

The portals have opened up and Lightworkers are starting to gain clarity on their purpose and mission here on Earth. There really is no time to waste at all. The energy for action is there to be harnessed and it really is driving us forward without giving a shit about what’s logical. Heart led work and dropping all the old ideas and expectations of what we thought our work would be. The work is just the work. You’re delivering something a lot bigger than yourself but ironically this time is all about you. This is about what you can create. With planets in retrograde, people tend to think that they are being slowed down. That’s true to an extent, but it is a perception. The Universe is going at it’s own pace and it always will. It’s the pace of our progress that we need to understand and to take ownership of the fact that it is not dictated by external forces. The pace you work at within is the same pace as the Universe. Staying connected is literally all you need to do to align and get in to the flow. Allow the flow and keep moving inwards through connection. Even when we stand still, we are still moving. Our thoughts are still creating. Our ideas are in the process of manifesting. The key thing is the action that pushes through this energy and that’s where we are standing still as it feels like there is more confusion than clarity.

Remember that confusion is the process that leads to clarity. One simple way to work out the direction is to make a list of what you don’t want. Then take each item and find it’s opposite and that gives you a list of what you DO want. Simple…kind of lol but that’s just the starting point.

For me, the energy is wild and ready to be harnessed for forward movement. There have been a lot of bombshells dropping as a result of the Eclipse season. The mask has literally dropped off and there is no time for any bullshit. You can take things at face value or you can go deeper. You’re seeing what you didn’t see before and it is eye-opening.

As a result, you’ll be finding that you’re irritated and impatient around people that are not willing to take responsibility for themselves. Anything that doesn’t feel real and authentic will jar. Be more concerned with you than them and don’t be overpowered.

The theme in the healing room this week has been all about taking action. Ideas can stay ideas. To make them manifest, the energy needs to move through action. These energies are causing restlessness. If you don’t know what action to take, this makes it even more frustrating.

This energy feels like a pushy parent and I am certainly feeling it driving me and whipping me in to shape. It’s tough but its what’s needed.

All for the greater good knowing we have to go through what we have to go through to get to where we are going to.

Enjoy the ride!

Energy Updates

Opening the Heart Chakra

The Heart has been the focal point this week and the healing room has seen a great deal of anger and self-criticism trying to shift it’s way through clients. It seems to be that these are the things that we are working on collectively and there is so much in this that I had to write about it to take a closer look at what is the happening with the energies.

It is a time for change and I definitely feel that for myself and for all of my clients. Like I wrote in my last update, we are losing “old” version and integrating this newer updated version of ourselves. The way in which this is most noticeable is in our reactions and the way that we deal with things. Opening your heart up to loving yourself is one of the most challenging things to do. We find that we are often quite harsh on ourselves and developing that love and compassion towards ourselves is something quite alien. It’s almost as if we don’t even realise how much we are berating ourselves for the smallest things.

We are realising that we deserve so much better in all things. We are realising that with this build up of love and power, all things are possible as we learn to hold this new energy. I had one client who simply said, “Grrr! Why are you right?!”

It’s quite a big thing when you realise that you really aren’t the person that you thought you were. It’s even bigger to understand that you’ve got to try and love yourself anyway. Even if it feels like you don’t really know that new you that well. Your instinct is different and your reactions are different. It feels that we are in a place of spiritual limbo energetically because between losing the old you and becoming the new you, there is a void. One thing it is pushing us to do more and more is to be unconditionally loving towards ourselves and be ok with the not knowing what that final product (if there ever is one) looks like.

The void is an interesting energetic space because in it we find the anger, the self-criticism and the sense that we aren’t quite there yet. It is a frustrating space. I know first hand because I’ve really been feeling it, especially yesterday. There is no sound basis for the way that we feel and actually what we find is that we can always find a donkey to pin the blame on.

In actual fact, when you break it down, you realise that you are in a transitional space and transitional energies can seriously mess with your head if you don’t come back down to earth and stay grounded. The situations in our lives become the reasons for the way we feel because it makes us feel better to have some rational explanation for how we feel.

It could be anything and everything that you blame. When you ask yourself how you really feel about that situation, it opens you up to acceptance. What’s actually happening is that heart chakra is being wrenched open and all the emotion is pouring out of it. Can you be ok with that?

The Heart Chakra has really been the focal point for the healing room this week. It feels like all of our hearts are opening to self-love more than anything else. With this opening, we are beginning to release old feelings of being unworthy, of loss, of grief, of sadness. With the Heart Chakra opening comes a renewed sense of purpose and being which feels refreshingly different.

Since the beginning of the year, the focus has been on authenticity and getting real with yourself and the people around you. It has been about finding yourself, shedding what no longer serves you and letting go of the past. Now that the bulk of that work has happened, it’s like the words “What now?” are flashing in front of you and there is a need to know and have it all worked out.

We are still releasing and the picture will take a little longer to emerge. The thing that helps me the most is remember that this is the creation phase and so the energies that we bring in to this space matter. If we can see the clearing as a positive thing, it helps us to stay focused on the purpose. Clearing is a good thing. It is releasing from a heart centred place.

We are learning to hold the energy of joy from the heart. Whereas before it has been suffering that we held in the heart space, this energy is one that feels like it’s bobbing up and down and making us feel motion sickness. It’s acclimatising to the feeling of joy and being able to hold that. We’re bound to feel a little sea-sick with it but breathe it in and hold it and brace yourself for what’s coming next.

It really does feel like great hope on the horizon. I know many of my clients are at that stage in the healing cycle where they are learning to hold their own energy and learning to fly can be tricky!

All things now seem possible…hold tight!

 

Energy Updates, Healing

The Old Me Died – Help!

The theme from the Healing Room this week has been about getting comfortable with this new version of ourselves. There’s a deep sense of loss that comes when we have changed so much and can be difficult to cope with.

For myself and many of my clients, the theme over the last couple of weeks has been the realisation that we aren’t who we used to be. It’s time to step up. Noticeably so, a lot of my clients are at the stage where their old ways and habits just don’t fit anymore. They’ve noticed that they’ve also shed a lot of the baggage, including people in their lives. We’ve talked about this a little in previous blogs because I know it’s been happening for a lot of people as part of the Universal energy shifts.

When we shed, it creates a void. It feels energetically that we have been living in this limbo/void stage for a while now but this week it really seems to have shifted to allow the new stuff to begin it’s manifestation. When you’ve shed and worked through your baggage, what you’ve actually been doing is preparing yourself ready for what you’re about to receive.

We grieve the loss of who we were because it involves a little bit of our Ego dying. The Ego that tells us what to do to stay safe. When your heart over-rides this, there’s a lot of discomfort that follows.

This is one of the things that we have been dealing with this week. Personalities have changed. Priorities have changed. And now what we’re noticing is that because of this inner change that’s already taken place, it’s manifesting on the outside. We receive when we are ready and so clearing the old vibrational energies out and integrating the new ones is a vital step in the manifestation process.

You’d think when you got what you asked for, you’d be ok with it all though, right? However, it’s useful to know that it can create a great sense of overwhelm.

Am I ready? Can I cope? Is it really happening? Do I deserve it?

All these questions are the old Ego fear just whispering in your ear trying to put you off. Keep listening to your heart and let it guide the way for you.

There are some amazing changes happening for my clients. Many of them have been asking for clarity with certain situations and it has been delivered. So now they know what to do as a result of getting the information they needed to make the decisions.

It’s crunch time. It’s time to follow through.

It’s also time to enjoy the results of the hard work that you have put in and enjoy the lovely delights the Universe is bringing your way!

It really has been a whirlwind couple of weeks for many of us, and now we are entering Eclipse season so prepare to do it all again!!

Energy Updates

Alternative Energy Update 18th June, 2018

I’ve not done one of these for a while and I have a confession to make. I’m not sure if I want to continue with these in the same format as a whole lot has changed for me over the last month or so.

Some of you will know that I have been fasting. I am a Muslim and I observe Ramadhan as one of the 5 pillars of Islam. During this period of time, I have learnt a lot about myself and I also took the opportunity to learn more about my faith.

“What do I believe in?” It’s an interesting question to ask yourself. I’ve always been one of those people who wanted to know why this and why that and so I’ve kind of gone off on a tangent with things. It was strange during Ramadhan because I knew I had committed to writing these regular energy updates. I know they are useful for people going through the various changing collective energies, but for some reason I found myself questioning whether or not they were still relevant for me.

So when something is relevant for your audience and isn’t 100% resonating with yourself – what do you do? This is the question that I ask myself. I didn’t want to force myself to write and feel compromised and so this post is more my own inner exploration of whether I should continue or not.

It’s sort of an experimental post in that I do not as yet have an answer to the question of whether I will continue or not. I always say that I don’t truly know how I feel about something until I’ve written about it and so it feels strange to do this in a public space, however it is helping me to get over some of the blocks I have to sharing. This is why I decided to do it in this way and none of this was edited post writing.

It is simply a stream of consciousness.

So to energy updates and I’m trying to work out whether or not I should continue with them. I’ve fallen out of love with the idea of Ascension in a way. I do believe that we are all on our personal journey of transformation. I also believe that people are experiencing similar frequencies in the way that they experience change. I believe it isn’t one size fits all.

I have also come to think about the information that is being given out through these updates and I’m not sure that I want to be the “director” of this information for a number of reasons, mainly the paragraph directly above this one.

Whether you call it Ascension or Enlightenment doesn’t even matter so much anymore. I have always been of the persuasion that you take what resonates and then explore the rest for yourself and find your own reasoning. I’m sure that’s what people do with the information anyway – I just felt the need to reiterate that.

As I write, an idea has just struck me. What if instead of a weekly energy update, I went in to the themes that emerge in the healing room each week? A lot of what I write in these energy updates picks up on these themes and so I think this may be a more helpful way of addressing the different energies that emerge during the healing process.

When you break it down, any Ascension or Enlightenment journey is actually all about self-healing and learning about yourself. This is the journey that I am on and I know that it is the journey that many of my students and clients are on. I like the idea of continuous evolution and exploration and this is a lovely space in which I am able to share that with my audience.

I am almost certain that these updates in future will be themes from the healing room and my own personal themes as I evolve. There is something that feels very real and transparent to me by going back to basics. It feels like this is what is happening through my work and it is a very powerful shift. It is moving from the person I think I should be to who I am and although it is challenging, I think it is probably one of the biggest shifts that I have undertaken. Deciding to do things differently and my sense tells me that this is just the beginning. There is something very expansive about this energy. It’s again peeling off the mask and revealing more and more. Things always get blurred, then you focus and more is revealed. Amazing and expansive.

When you learn Reiki, you learn that Master Usui called it his “Method to achieve Personal Perfection” and so it is always about being the best that we can be in any given situation. Personal perfection is about continuously awakening to yourself, recognising yourself and being aware of your surroundings and how you mesh with them. Perfection itself is a myth, but it is the journey of travelling towards it and coping with the big and small changes that it brings as you adapt to a new way of being. This in a nutshell is what it is all about for me. It is that very real and pure acceptance of the imperfections that lie within us all. Complete acceptance of where we are and what is happening. These are the themes that we find challenging because we are always on a quest to make it how we “want it to be.”

This then brings me to my faith and one of the things that I have really come home to through this month of fasting is surrender. Complete faith and surrender and the same theme of acceptance rings out loud and clear for me. It is not, nor will it ever be, about what it “should” look like or what “should be happening.” It is taking a step back and surrendering to the idea that everything is good for you. Everything is happening perfectly, by design and what you do in this particular moment helps to design what comes next for you.

Can you accept it if it isn’t how you planned it? That brings me to realise that when I set out with this commitment to providing regular energy updates, it felt right for me in that moment. I felt I had a voice and space to give that and share the experience. We are in a time where that information is readily available to you and there are others who can provide this for you in a more authentic way than I am able to do so at this time.

My heart is saying write from your heart. Write what you are feeling, share the experiences of the students and clients that come to you and do this with the aim of simply being able to share. There is no real purpose other than it makes my heart happy and I’m cool with that. It isn’t so much about the energy and where it is taking us – although I do still keep an eye on that!

It’s more about being human, living and integrating this in to your day to day life. It is about what your mind, your body and your soul are doing together and how connected you feel to inner yourself, your life, your purpose. It’s about what you’re going to do about it. That’s more me. My voice matters more here than anywhere else and it’s my way of helping people navigate the collective shifts on this planet. The term “Ascension Guide” doesn’t fit for me in the way that it used to. I can leave that to others and focus on what I need to share that’s related to my own purpose and service here on Earth.

So in future, these updates will be titled, “Themes from the Healing Room” (and everyone in it, including me!) as this is what is feeling good for me to do right now. If it’s energy updates and Ascension information you’d like, I can point you towards Vaz Sriharan. (Click here)Vaz is one of the most credible and authentic voices in this field of work and I continue to follow his work. He’s humbly living this journey the same as us all and sharing his experience being of service in the way that’s most authentic to him. I respect and admire that!

In essence, we all have our own way of making a contribution and being of service and I’m still finding mine so thank you for your patience. You know we are all a work in progress and always will be!