Energy Updates

Ascension Energy Update, June 2016

This is your ascension energy update for June. It’s going to be a short update as I’ve just recorded a video so you can watch that instead.

I tuned in and channelled this a few days ago and the video expands on these themes.

Channeled Message: 26/05/2019

Feel the fire as the energy rises and we’re soaring in way that we’ve never done before.

For some, it is terror and fear of plummeting and for others it’s a sweet release and freedom.

These sensations carry the same frequency vibration of determination. Determination not to fall and determination to be free.

Everything is within your grasp and you can hold the illusion that serves you best. Create this. Choose. And then choose again.

We’ve activated the *Labyrinth energy within the collective. (I have asked to be shown more and will post in due course as information is received)

Do you feel it too?

*A labyrinth is an ancient symbol that relates to wholeness. It combines the imagery of the circle and the spiral into a meandering but purposeful path. The Labyrinth represents a journey to our own center and back again out into the world.

Please check out the video on YouTube and if you’ve not subscribed, please do so you can be notified of all new videos and there’s plenty to come!

Ascension Energy Update, June 2019
Energy Updates

Ascension Energy Update, 22nd May, 2019

This is your ascension energy update for the week. It’s been a week of acceleration and things seem to be moving pretty fast at the moment. It’s an amazing time for Lightworkers because it feels like things are really starting to push them towards stepping up and stepping out of their comfort zones, myself included.

It was intense leading up to the full moon and physically tough for many of us as we receive our light upgrades. If you’re tuning in, the frequencies are changing. This can be felt as ears ringing and for those of you who are more sensitive, you’ll notice that it’s different frequencies at different pitches. The only way that I can describe it is like one of those old music boxes that you wind up with the different perforations inside the roll that produce the different notes.

There are so many different light codes coming down at the moment and as a result it has produced this feeling of not knowing whether we’re coming or going. We’re being spoken to in different ways. Gone are the days where we just look to what’s around us or within us for the information. The way that the ascension waves are travelling now is completely different.

I feel strongly that a big shift has happened and these waves will continue to work. It almost feels like a new wave is coming but this one has to do it’s work first. It’s an important time for the planet.

Even in the world of spirituality, the idea of the “Guru” is beginning to fall away. There is a new generation of spiritual speakers and although they are conveying messages that are in sync with these waves, there is a depth that is missing. There’s an opening here and it feels like people are seeking the old world wisdom, reviving ancient ideas and seeking knowledge that resonates with their soul.

With all of this, it feels like authenticity is the theme. Not only being true to yourself but the messages that you carry. Remember that we are all carrying Spirit’s messages through us in different ways. And one of the reasons why it feels as though the depth is missing with some of the spiritual messages we are hearing is because timelines are being reconfigured.

We are all old souls and the messages that we bring come from the places that we have been. The over-riding message is love but the messages from each previous civilisation is different and the carriers of these messages are only conveying their truth. I feel there will be a time when these messages cross timelines and align bringing all of this together.

There isn’t even time to process. It is just happening and it is happening extremely fast. At the same time, our ideas of time itself are being challenged. You’ll notice that the first 3 months of this year felt like the longest ever and from April onwards, time has quickened. Even though things are going really fast, time is slowing down at the same time. That may or may not make sense but this wave of consciousness brings with it a deeper awareness of time and an ability to bend it at will. It’s interesting for sure.

I’d love to know what’s going on in the wonderful world of you!

Until next time,

Peace and blessings of Oneness be with you,

Hafsa

Energy Updates

Ascension Energy Update 29th April, 2019

This is your ascension energy update for the week. It’s been another relatively calm week but I’d say it’s the calm before the storm and May is going to be a blinder of a month on all fronts.

I feel like we are on the edge of a new era with new timelines being activated. Some have been awaiting New Earth. My sense is that we are in the activational stages with more and more people waking up and challenging the status quo. We’ve seen that clearly in the last couple of weeks with the Extinction Rebellion movement. We’ve seen and heard the voice of a new generation, Greta Thunberg – passionate, strong and determined to make a difference. It’s symbolic of the way that we are beginning to really own ourselves. The New World challenging the old world and a theme that’s also playing out on an individual level.

It’s almost as if I can feel the Universe’s immense cogs turning in the background. Momentum is building leading up to May. I’m not sure if we’ll get the big drop of energy as quickly as we’d like. It feels like we’re being asked to get in to the momentum and master the consistency of our actions.

It has felt a little push and pull under the surface. It’s like you know what your priorities are but you keep getting pulled away in to other things. I certainly feel like we’re being asked to prioritise and stay focused on the one thing that matters with consistency. Where we are being pushed and distracted, it’s up to us to keep pulling our focus back to where we want it to be.

This week’s theme is growth. We’re no longer looking at the outside trying to acquire. We’re building from the inside out. We’re facing the home truths and exercising a new found sense of honesty about what we find. There is a need to go inward. A craving for silence and stillness. A pull back to the inner world.

It feel like the deep reset switch has been activated and we’re just waiting for the re-start to get underway. The level of chaos from last month seems to have enabled us to manage our way in to a different yet faster pace which feels a lot easier than previous times. Time feels fast and slow all at the same time.

Alongside this, we’re really starting to think about what makes us feel centred and full. We’re looking at the outside world realising that is isn’t the source. With this feeling come a need to have full conviction in what you’re trying to see through to action. When our energy matches our words and our actions, that’s when things will start to move. We’re building up that and the consistency that we’re developing is much like a dress rehearsal.

The “old me, new me” theme of last year is being played out again. It’s like we are again demolishing one version of ourselves and transitioning through to another. This new version feels like it needs to be a much more polished version. That rawness needs to be worked on as the edges are softening. The difference is that we ‘re being asked to incorporate the sharpness of our character in to this new version. We can’t be soft and fluffy – we need to have the sharp edge of our personality too.

For some, these times are a feeling of being diluted in to love and light. As we transition, rather than dissolve in to existing ideas, we start to develop our own. These are our own individual markers. I’m finding more and more that those I encounter on myself who are on the path begin with absorbing every philosophy there is out there. This is what I mean by being diluted and dissolving in to existing ideas. We need this part of the journey to soften. Like an egg, once we get over-cooked with these ideas we become harder and harder. Some will reject all ideas at this point and go in search of something new.

Spirituality is heading in to an interesting time. The love and light movement has played an important part in getting us to accept everyone and their beliefs as they are. This is the magical aspect of new spirituality. We challenge everything. We’re ok with the harsher aspects. We understand that peace and conflict can co-exist in the same place and we don’t have to stop moving as a result.

Interesting times we are living in and on the brink of change within and change without.

Until next time…

99 Pathways of the Heart

Pathway 18 – Al-Ghani – Tending Your Garden

“When you are guided to this pathway, take the opportunity to feel your heart as a garden in which everything you need is growing. See yourself living in this garden.”

It has been a while since I wrote on another pathway. With this one, I’ve been exploring and exploring and now it feels like the right time to write. One thing I will say is that I thought I’d do a pathway every couple of weeks – that was the plan but they don’t work in a linear way. It’s always the way that I choose one and it becomes the theme for my inner work and observation. Rather than rushing, it feels much better to explore in my own time and share when there is real wisdom that emerges. That makes it more meaningful for you and for me.

The pathway starts with talking about what happens when the heart begins to expand and seeing ourselves in others. This pathway continues to teach me the good, the bad and the ugly of who I am and this is through what I see in others.

I feel like I’ve gone through one of the biggest and deepest expansions spiritually over the last few months. I’ve had external help to guide and push me over my comfort zones and that has been amazing. It really reinforces that we can’t do everything ourselves. I’ve also been connecting more with my guides in the etheric realms and receiving deeper wisdom and guidance. I’ve been working a great deal with my power centres – the solar plexus and the sacral.

One of the biggest learnings I’ve had is understanding my place in the whole grand scheme of things, my place in the Universe. If we are all dots that are connected, I’m really starting to see that I am one of those dots and the connections that I have to the other dots and the ripples I send out by working on myself and sharing my wisdom. It takes this idea of seeing all beings as yourself to a whole other level and it’s really helped to me feel supported with what I do. Understanding that my story is part of an even bigger story and without my character, the story would change. It simply wouldn’t be the same.

Another aspect of the pathway talks about the connection between action and the vision that you have. For a long while, I’ve had a vision but for one reason or another, I just wasn’t moving very much. Deep down there plenty of fears of where it would take me. This extended the way I looked at the good, bad and ugly within myself. I realised that I was limiting myself and really not seeing the possibilities. Sometimes taking action is the thing that leads to even deeper growth. We can learn and teach wisdom but to live that wisdom enables your heart to grow. We can be authentic but we are always finding the masks and learning to continuously uncover even more authentic parts of ourselves. I did have to stop and think about this seriously and that made me realise just how much I was taking for granted. When you uncover all this wisdom, you realising that you’re not even sharing a fraction of what’s in there. Once you begin, things start to change and grow.

Tending your garden is one thing and I feel that I have planted so many seeds. With watering and nurturing, I’m beginning to see these seeds grow. I find myself changing yet paradoxically at the same time becoming more myself than I have ever been. When that seed starts to sprout a few leaves, you get excited and you know that there’s flowers to come and it’ll be glorious and beautiful. It’s being grateful that By God’s grace, the seeds we plant grow.

The pathway uses the example of the garden of life. We plant everything that we need in our life and plenty of other things that we don’t need. This garden is also a metaphor for the heart. The heart is where the truth sits. Part of the process is weeding out what’s not needed or what’s taking up space preventing other things from growing. There are plenty of distractions and reasons not to do things and the more I think and ponder, the more I procrastinate. I decided it was time to pull these weeds out and call them out. It involved a lot of harsh truths but at the end of the day, they’re blocking my sunshine. It doesn’t matter how much you water and nurture yourself, without the sunshine you’ll wither. I liken this to what I’ve been through. I’d found my inner light but I was afraid of shining and now I really am facing that in a big way, things are really starting to change.

It’s only been a couple of months, but I am really not who I used to be. I feel myself shining, confident and bursting with colour. It makes the old me look like a dull hum in comparison. Now I’m conducting a whole orchestra making magical, harmonious sound frequencies. This is the power of tending your garden. This is the power of tending to your own heart.

I have found that even being open, warm and loving as a person, I was still quite guarded and I had the fear of trusting. When we look at the garden of our heart, we also look at the boundaries. Do we want to limit how big our garden gets? That’s something that I was not even conscious I was doing and bringing it to light has really helped me to make a shift. With this, belief is also key. It’s fine to say “I’m not going to limit myself” but it’s an even deeper shift when you say, “I’m willing to accept the reality that all things are possible for me.” We can protect ourselves as much as we want to but at the end of the day if we don’t believe that we are protected by a Source greater than ourselves, we form barriers to love and limitations to growth. There is an even greater plan for me than what I can imagine for myself. The possibility of that being true brings infinite other possibilities and the beautiful part is not being afraid of those possibilities anymore.

 “Another message of this pathway is that everything need not be done in the spotlight. Let the One veil you (another type of enclosure) and keep your secrets as you get on with your purpose in life.”

This is apt and it’s kind of been happening behind the scenes. I’ve been working on the business, in the business and on myself in this way. It’s only now I feel like I’m beginning to consolidate and share.

Deep changes and even deeper transformation. I really feel like the adventure has officially begun!

99 Pathways of the Heart

99 Pathways of the Heart

Pathway 17 – Al-Matin – Step by Step Persistence

There’s some pathways you come across where you know that there’s a life lesson involved and there’s pathways that show you just how far you’ve come. This was a bit of both for me.

“When you are guided to this pathway, take the opportunity to connect with the sacred qualities of practicality and deliberation, of small steps taken over a long period of time.”

I know there’s been a massive gap between the last pathway and this one and that’s because there has been a lot of learning and integration that has taken place in the time in between.

In the last pathway I talked a lot about shadow work and learning to take responsibility for the parts of yourself that are difficult to own. I feel that this pathway has taken me in a lot deeper and shown me how shadows work on a whole new level.

The pathway talks about step by step persistence. It says, “Love also demands this type of persistence, especially when a relationship has begun to mature beyond attraction, in to something deeper.”

This is what I’ve been exploring on a number of levels within myself since I last posted on my journey with the pathways. Self-love is something that I’ve been learning to cultivate for a long time and one of the biggest realisations was just how much deeper I needed to go with this.

I feel like my relationship with myself and also with my work has reached that level of maturity that the pathway talks about. I relate it to my own journey. When I first discovered energy healing, it led me to create an idea of who I wanted to be and the work I wanted to do. As I travelled on this path, I started becoming that woman I always saw myself to be and doing the work I wanted to do. I saw myself making the difference I wanted to make and I am achieving that.

I look upon that now as the honeymoon period when I started to fall in love with myself, or at least this idea of who I wanted to be. I put all my effort and energy in to pursuing this dream. I worked hard to become that person and find what needed to be healed.

As my relationship with myself and the love I have cultivated for myself and my work starts to mature and deepen, I find that there are challenges and it doesn’t get easier. The more we uncover about ourselves, the more we are challenged to love our imperfections. The more we are challenged, the deeper in to ourselves it takes us.

Over the last few weeks, I’ve really been paying attention to what’s happening in my life. I’m observing what I’m doing and saying. I’m observing what other people are doing and saying and I am learning a great deal. To be able to watch without judging, that is a labour of love. To love without attachment, that is an art in itself.

I find I’m not the woman I fell in love with. I’m not willing to be defined that way or any way but I’m finding I love myself anyway. Who I am, just like any long term relationship, has morphed and changed. It just is what it is and doesn’t need defining anymore. When that happens, that relationship really doesn’t look like what you thought it would. When you get to this place, you realise that kind of love takes strength. It takes persistence and courage. It takes a conscious decision that even though it isn’t what you thought it would be, you’re choosing to love it anyway.

My path over the last few weeks has been a rollercoaster on a personal and emotional level. I’ve had some really tough challenges and I’ve had to really make a decision about how I feel about myself and what I’m going to do for myself out of love for myself. It’s meant shutting down for a while. It’s meant standing my ground. It’s meant not allowing anyone else’s opinion to cloud how I feel. It’s meant reaching in for my own truth. It’s meant expressing, sharing and really pushing myself out of my comfort zone.

The detail of what I’m facing is irrelevant but suffice to say that there will always be people who try to bring you down. Some with their words and some with their actions. I say this because with the last pathway we talked about being responsible for ourselves and our projections. I’m also learning to discern my own truth and that means that rather than own everything, I’m recognising that people play out their own pain by throwing it at other people. This is what I mean when I say “To be able to watch without judging, that is a labour of love. To love without attachment, that is an art in itself.” I’m not willing to own someone else’s pain. I bless their journey but I know what’s mine and what’s not.

If you allow anything to cause doubt within yourself, you lose. When you love another, you trust them with your whole heart and you don’t doubt if they are true. When you love yourself, you must see it exactly the same way. I’ve learnt this and it’s unearthed a massive strength in me.

Persistence means that you have to fight for yourself. As an empath, I’m great at fighting for others but maybe not so good at fighting for myself. One of things that this pathway has shown me is just how much I love myself and love my work. When push comes to shove, if my ability to do my work is threatened, I will fight to the death and I will win. Nothing is going to bring me down and each time it tries to take me down, I come back a hell of a lot stronger. That’s because I know what I bring to this world is important. I’m fighting for me but I’m also fighting for all of those people who benefit from what I do.

I think the most beautiful thing that’s come alive for me is this fire that I know I’ve always had in me. I think as you reach in to spirituality, you almost believe that you need to put that fire out for the sake of love and light. That fire is courage in adversity. That fire is fighting for what you believe in. That fire is a relentless amount of self-assuredness. That fire must never be diluted, especially for those that are making a difference in this world.

None of this comes without persistence. None of this comes without a fight. None of this comes without being challenged. For me, I didn’t realise it but this is what I’ve been building step by step. I couldn’t see it at the time, but everything leads you to the moment where you’re at right now. Perhaps you need to be challenged for you to find your strength? Perhaps you need the darkness to come at you for you to overcome it?

I believe that this is all the alchemy of the Universe at work. Every action is a small step towards something greater. I sometimes forget there’s a bigger picture and get bogged down in the detail of it all but I’m human. It sometimes takes adversity to show you just how far you have travelled.

I take great strength from this pathway. It’s a long journey full of twists and turns, full of challenges but look how beautiful it can be. It’s designed to help you find yourself and if you can see that, you’ll keep at it.

99 Pathways of the Heart

Pathway 16 – Flexible Strength

“When you are guided to this pathway, take the opportunity to feel a flexible strength that can adapt to any situation and yet remain rooted in, and moving toward, the purpose of your life.”

This pathway came at just the right time for me to integrate many of the lessons that I am learning on this journey. I’ve talked before about distraction and how sometimes being an empath can mean that you get absorbed and pulled in to everyone else’s stuff. We can feel resentful because our full focus is not on our own mission.

Over the last few weeks, I’ve been consciously looking at how I get pulled away and distracted and I’ve made a lot of changes. The first thing that I want to say is thank you to all the true friends that have understood that I’ve needed me and my work to come first. It’s appreciated more than you know.

One of aspects of this pathway is developing strength from the way that we look at the past. For those of you that know me, you’ll know I do a lot of work with the shadow aspect. The shadow is all about looking at all the things that you’re not so comfortable with and I feel that it’s a way of breaking down the ego.

The pathway talks about forgetting the past and just keeping going. I find this really interesting and I don’t take that literally. I think there is much to be gained by understanding that you can’t just put your past in a box and pretend that it doesn’t exist. Part of shadow work is to revisit some of the more uncomfortable parts and to work through them and with them in a way that allows us to learn more about who we are. This process helps us to accept parts of ourselves that we may have disowned because of shame or anger at the way we behaved. Learning love and compassion for yourself means that you have to go in and be able to accept all of this to be whole.

We all have parts of ourselves that we don’t care to name and shame because it is deeply troubling. These parts usually are distinguished as the judgements we make about others. It’s hard to accept that that’s ourselves being reflected back at us. I know when I first started working with my shadow aspects, it sent me in to deep despair and it was so easy to let those things bring me down. That was because I didn’t fully own them and I hadn’t healed from them and so they still had a lot of power of me as a person.

It is easy when we face adversity to act out old shadows. Sometimes it is that inner child surfacing and being able to face yourself takes courage. It means being able to feel pain, shame, anger, fear and know that it has a place within you along with everything else. The spiritual journey isn’t all love and light and rainbows and unicorns! There are times when it is deeply uncomfortable getting to the truth. And the truth isn’t always fashionable enough to wear so we wear a mask instead. All of this starts to become apparent as you work with the shadow. It takes courage and being human, sometimes my courage fails but I think even approaching your shadow is a good start.

I do this because I want to be authentically myself. Sometimes authenticity can get lost in politeness and people pleasing. You’ll notice how that feels in yourself and I know that I don’t like it. I don’t like letting people down but when it’s a choice between that and letting myself down, I’ve learnt that it’s not always easy to choose me. It’s something that will take time to master and there’s a lot to work through.

There is darkness within all of us but part of our inner work is to face it and begin the alchemical process of transmuting it and learning to shine light on it so that it becomes something more than just a painful memory. From this process, we develop the flexible strength that this pathway is teaching us about. A person is more than the sum of their parts. When we identify all the parts, we become that something more. This is what I’m talking about. It isn’t the easiest thing to name those parts and become that something more.

When you know yourself, you are truly resilient in the face of adversity. When you are reluctant to face all aspects of yourself, you’re likely to be triggered. I think it always goes, “Trigger first, lesson later!” We need time to ponder and reflect and life is amazing in the way that it presents the lessons to us on a plate. Each trigger is an opportunity to learn and grow. Sometimes it starts with a bitch and a vent, but as you work through it, you realise that you need to own that judgement that you’ve made because it’s showing you who you are. When you’re at peace with it, you’ll experience it without being triggered. This is true strength.

There’s “who we like to think we are” versus “who we actually are” and the ego likes to hold on to it’s ideas about our identity and how we define ourselves. We have deeply set ideas, some so deep set that we’ve yet to see them.

There’s always more to do in breaking down the ego and it can sometimes feel like you’re treading water and that you’ll never be free of it. Even that is an acceptance in itself. You are in the actual process when you acknowledge it and try to make peace with it. It always feels better to me to acknowledge that I am on my way to something. It’s the process that’s more important than the outcome. When we focus on the outcome, we realise that it’s too big. When we focus on the process, we see that we’re taking steps towards something. A step in the direction you’re choosing feels better than perfection.

It’s always interesting to say the least working with the shadow aspect. We start to discover just how many lies we have told ourselves – more than we care to admit. It’s a level of honesty that you can’t really be ready for when it hits you. It makes sense to do it though because you arrive at a truer version of yourself than the one you are now. Constantly moving and evolving to get to the truth of who you are is meaningful work and it grows you.

And once you start on the quest for truth, you can’t stop!

99 Pathways of the Heart

99 Pathways of the Heart – Being an “Old Soul”

Pathway 15 – Al-Muqaddim – Preparing the way

“When you are guided to this pathway, take the opportunity to acknowledge the part of your being that feels “oldest,” and prepare the way for power to flow through your life.”

So this is the pathway that I have been exploring and it started with a healing transmission that I did at the beginning of November which started a profound shift for me in terms of accessing the oldest parts of my being.

Power is an interesting concept, particularly for me. Since I began on this journey, everything has been about stepping in to my power and continuously I’m finding newer ways to do this. I had some funny ideas about power when I first started on this journey, but as I’ve grown, I’ve come to see it as a positive force in my life.

The pathway really is about delving in to who we are. Our souls were created long before our bodies were and so that part of us has lived and acquired a great deal of wisdom.

One of the things I noticed as soon as I started work with this pathway was the number of references made in relation to me being an “old soul.” The first time I heard that phrase I must have been about 17 and I’d sneaked away to London for the day. I went to Camden Market and was mooching around. I met this guy who looked like an old sage and he was full of love and life. I can still see his face. We ended up chatting for a long while. He caught sight of the palm of my hand and asked if he could have a look. I felt a bit hesitant but I agreed. He told me I was a very old soul but it wouldn’t be later in life until I realised what that meant. I’d completely forgotten about this experience and now that I’m writing about it, it brings it all back for me.

The story came back to me because I’ve only just realised that what he set in motion has resulted in this here today and I believe he knew exactly what he was doing. In this work, I am fortunate enough to be deliberately and consciously setting in motion change for those I work with.

It made me look at how I work with people and what I’m able to access. The pathway drew me to connect even deeper within myself. We spend life trying to define who we are in this world when really who we are sits within our soul. Once we start connecting to that deeper sense, everything in life starts to move around us for us to be able to fully understand and return to that original soul self.

The pathway is about returning back to our original image and this journey here in this world is what creates the means for us to do this. Life teaches us the nature of who we really are on one level. I’m talking about going beyond that. I’m talking about being from a place that you can’t access in a physical way.

For those of you who have read previous blogs, you’ll know that I talk about “going home” and by that I mean that place where we came from that’s before this world or any other world. It always seemed separate from me until I started to understand how to channel it in this world. I have more of a sense of belonging now that I ever have.

The adventure with this pathway was to learn how to go deeper within and I have found that connecting with this idea that I have been this energy for much longer than the 39 years here on earth has had a profound shift in my energy. I understand power on a much deeper level and it really is having an impact on the way I’m choosing to live.

The whole world looks different to me as a result. I’ve always been seeking to find my place here on Earth and each time I find it, I find new levels of understanding it. It’s not possible, I don’t think, to understand your place here unless you also understand where your soul has been.

I’m blessed to be an old soul and it really is becoming a distinct part of who I am. It gives me a uniqueness as a person. It has also made me curious enough to delve deeper. All of this enquiry is for a reason – this I know for certain. Synchronistically with this pathway, I’ve discovered aspects of my ancestry that have helped me to understand my spiritual gifts on a much deeper level. When healing is literally in your blood, you have no choice but to accept that’s who you are. It’s beautiful and it’s taken my sense of belonging to another level which is great for me and for the world!

I think the most amazing aspect of this pathway though is allowing yourself to open up and letting the power of YOU flow through. The more you access this part of yourself, the more you are preparing the way for what’s to come next. One of the beautiful things about this pathway is that it opens you up to wonder. I always talk about potential and fulfilling that potential but this is on a whole other level. It’s like you’ve got back up and support and everything you need. It’s like you are that potential in every moment.

With this pathway being so profound and deep, I’m actually having a challenging time in articulating how it’s making me feel. Suffice to say though that like all the other ways, it is changing me for the better. The closest phrase to describe how I feel is that “I am really coming into my own.” That sort of captures it.

The feelings you get when you’re accessing this are out of this world. Phenomenal. I wish I could tell you how or what to do to get there because everyone needs to feel this. I’m still integrating and working that out but when I have that in a practical form, I will share it. There is a sense of pride that comes from knowing yourself in this way. It isn’t an ego thing, simply a sense of contentment and being sure about who you are. This may not make much sense but if you know, you know.

There is a whole other world and worlds within worlds to discover. Such is the beauty of connecting to yourself, your power, your lineage, your ancestry, and the source of all that power.

“This is love.

To fly toward a secret sky,

to cause a hundred veils to fall each moment.

First to let go of life.

Finally, to take a step without feet.”

Rumi

99 Pathways of the Heart

99 Pathways of the Heart – Maintaining and nourishing yourself

“When you are guided to this pathway, take the opportunity to feel a very steady yet powerful state of awareness in your being that maintains and nourishes you and others.”

This is the pathway that I’ve been reflecting on this past week and it is one that presents plenty of challenges for me. Embodying a steady state is something that I have been working on for as far as I can remember. For me, there is a juxtaposition here with being a free spirit.

This pathway requires pulling yourself inwards whilst you experience life. Being a free spirit, it’s easy for my heart to be called elsewhere. I want to talk about this because for me it is one the most challenging aspects of who I am as a person. This is where the conflict lies and I’m noticing that it is how my power escapes sometimes.

I know I have this immense reservoir of love within me and the capacity to nourish and give to others. This pathway takes me further in to using this source to help maintain myself and it is this very thing that I have been trying to do for a long time. This pathway has helped me to uncover a whole other level and given me an awareness and perspective that goes deeper.

For those of us that are empathic, it’s very easy to relegate our own needs in order to serve others. We think that this is why we came here – to serve. That’s part of it but not the whole of it.

This pathway really made me look at the way I give and the expectations that I have created from others around me. When I began to pull it back and go within, what struck me is how very little I have given myself. With a reservoir so large, it’s almost as if I think can survive on a lot less from the pot so rather than taking from it, I put in to it. This brings up feelings of guilt and feeling selfish. At the same time, I look around me and notice that perhaps I feel this more because of the belief that I came here to serve. There are deep set emotions here about worthiness attached to this and whether I deserve to take when I can give so much. It became obvious to me that there was very little balance in my life when it came to this.

It’s been a really challenging week and working with this pathway has actually made me feel really sad. I have to be raw and honest about how I feel. That’s what this space is for and it needs to be expressed.

The pathway also reminds me that I must not overextend myself. This is what occurred to me and I can see clearly where I am doing this. I can blame being an empath to some extent but the truth of it is that I have plenty of fleeting whims and distractions all created by my ego to prevent me from embodying this state. I can see that very clearly. I realised that I can’t hide behind anything anymore. Especially not when it has been shown to me this clearly. When you realise how little you have given yourself, it brings up anger and resentment and I’ve had to spend a lot of time working with this. I’ve allowed this and I forgive myself. I can change and that is what I am doing. Easy statements to make but if you’ve ever gone through this, you’ll know the raw emotion it brings up.

This idea of sacrifice comes with this type work and it’s something that keeps coming up for me to clear away. The idea that being in service should be at the expense of your own self simply isn’t true. I am entitled to a life just like everyone else. There’s a paradox here as the “service” is actually what I have chosen to do. It’s my own path I’m creating so it is as much for me as it is for humanity. The ego makes you choose one or the other and we are conditioned to believe that choosing service to others is the better thing to do. In actual fact, we can have both but it takes a lot of unlearning which I am still learning to do.

When I call the ego out on this, the contradictions are so very obvious. There is so much pain in saying goodbye to old ways of being. I’ve always tried to be conscious of what my ego is doing and exploring the pathways has brought up a lot of wounds that need to be healed within myself.

It isn’t easy getting the balance within yourself between serving others and serving yourself. We are brought up with conditioning that tells us that putting ourselves first is selfish. We’re taught a linear way of thinking that suggests that if we think about ourselves first, it means that we don’t care about others. It’s difficult to shift to a way of thinking that enables you to be equal to others and there’s a perception that to consider yourself equal equates to being egotistical. It gets really complicated because you can think this logically in your head but when the feelings of guilt show themselves, your heart gets pulled straight back. This is what I’m grappling with.

I’m always banging on about self-worth and I’m a work in progress but what I am learning here has come at a critical time for me. My life is interesting because of the demanding nature of my work. I get phone calls and text messages all the time asking me all sorts of things. I’ve always felt the need to answer and help and I don’t regret helping. I do sometimes resent the demands and that’s me being really honest. I take full responsibility for this now where in the past I’d have blamed others. I’ve created and met these expectations without even thinking about it and it’s difficult to undo without experiencing emotional turmoil. Meeting demands is what I’ve been looking at taking a step back from because there is a line where my work ends and I begin and that can get blurred very easily. Even though boundaries have been set, a plea for help is a plea for help and my heart isn’t one that can ignore it easily. So it’s been an emotional time because for each time that has happened, I’ve had to ask myself who I am putting first. I’m learning to deal with the emotion that comes with it and I can tell you it isn’t easy but it is necessary. This is a spiritual lesson that needs to be learned.

A strong feeling of discomfort comes from taking a step back. It’s like going against what your heart is telling you when you don’t reply to a plea for help but I had to explore this feeling for myself. It feels as if people are relying on me. It feels that there is an urgency for them that I am ignoring and that somehow makes me a bad person. Again, this linear way of thinking is one I’m learning to undo because a lot of that conditioning simply isn’t true.

What I have realised with this pathway is that I go deep and I do have a lot to give. My priority has become to maintain that within myself. Embodying a steady state of awareness and power is important but I didn’t realise how important it was for maintaining and nourishing myself. I thought I was doing that and I know now that I am not doing enough of it. The reason for this is the raw emotion, the guilt, the anger, the feeling selfish that I’m still learning to overcome. And all this just to feel equal to others! It’s mind blowing because I thought I was overcoming myself in terms of self-worth but there’s always more I need to be shown and more I need to do.

It’s interesting because although I do take a lot of time for myself and I switch off when I have to, I’ve developed some sticky habits when it comes to work. It’s the belief that work overrides everything because of it’s nature. It doesn’t though. What overrides everything is my state of being and my ability to maintain and nourish myself and I’m starting to look at that as often as I can in response to meeting the worlds demands on me. I’m taking it one moment at a time and seeing how it feels to choose me.

Just when you think you’ve got the self-worth thing down, the universe throws you a massive curve ball. With things changing as rapidly as they are, this is a very valuable lesson that the universe is giving me. I’ve noticed how quickly it can become about everything else. I’ve noticed how my free spirit slips away under the mask of empathy.

Old beliefs and old habits are dying hard. I’m working hard on taking the shame out of “I’m putting myself first.” It’s one I think a lot of us can relate to. If nice people finish last, I’m not ok with that and so I’m determined to prove that wrong.

I am just as important as everyone else and I’m determined not to forget it!

99 Pathways of the Heart

Pathway 13 – Ar-Rauf – Healing Wings

So after quite a long break, I decided today to pick back up on the pathways again because it felt like I needed to reconnect. The last few months have been a time for extreme expansion and inner healing for me and so I caught this pathway and found myself working through it. It’s always as if this book knows exactly what is needed and this is the beauty of life. If you seek answers, you’ll find them. Sometimes, it isn’t the answer we were looking for. Sometimes it is the truth and we find that hard to bear, but nevertheless it is an answer.

This pathway is about reconnecting your heart to Unity. Sometimes we have to remind ourselves that we do not exist in isolation from others. I’ve always been quite a solitary person. I’ve also been a very strong person and my story always goes, “I don’t need anyone.”

The one thing I have learnt from my story is that when you give off the vibe that you don’t need anyone, you attract people that couldn’t care less about you. Have a think about that one. I know I did.

Receiving help and healing from others is one of the hardest things that I have had to learn. I am still learning it if I’m really honest.

This pathway for me showed me what that was all about. The last few months for me have been a struggle to stay in balance. When the ego falls away, we feel lost. When all our beliefs are challenged, we question who we are. When we feel lost, we need help and coming in to balance means that we need to connect on three deep levels.

Firstly we need to connect with Divine Source to truly be able to see the world through Creator’s eyes. We need to connect deep within ourselves to discover our desires and joy. We also need to connect ourselves with everything that is around us because like I said, we do not exist in isolation.

Without going in to too much detail, I’ve had experiences over the last few months that have really challenged me on all three levels and the expansion and awareness has changed me. For me this pathway is about recognising the struggle that we have when we become disconnected.

We think we have everything sussed and sorted and then along comes someone or something that brings out a whole lot more in you that needs to be healed. Someone or something that makes you question what you believe in. Someone or something that makes you admit what you really want isn’t in alignment with your story. Someone or something that allows you to open up and receive help and healing.

It is opening on a deep level and often these things are unexpected and meant to throw you off balance. All UNLEARNING is learning and part of the soul’s journey is to disconnect to be able to reconnect. We can arrive in a comfort zone with our spirituality unless we continuously challenge what we hold to be true. That in itself brings us to a better understanding of the Divine, of ourselves and of the world around us.

This separation between ourselves and Creator/ourselves/our world is something I want to touch on because for a lot of empaths like me, we have this yearning for home. We don’t know where home is but we have always had this longing and this deep sadness because we feel separated from it. Those of you who know, will know.

This pathway pointed to something quite poignant for me. It led me to explore all the times that I had tried to heal the separation within myself. The separation and disconnectedness can be healed through this idea that we are part of Unity. That is home.

Being spiritual isn’t simply about a set of ideals and beliefs. It’s about connecting on the three levels that I have mentioned. It is about striving to achieve that balance within yourself. It’s about repairing all the connections and this for me is the deepest kind of healing.

Sometimes we are shown through trauma and experience. Sometimes we are shown by another person who has entered our lives to teach us this very lesson. All I know is that you need to dig deep and challenge what you think you already know about yourself. For me, it was reminding myself that I also need help.

It is when I need help, comfort, affection that I am at my most vulnerable because it challenges my story. I’m admitting this here and now and I’m choosing to see this as a strength. Over the last few months, I’ve seen what compassion really is from people I would not have expected it from and it’s taken me to new depths in the way I operate in the world.

I’ve learnt what it means to receive compassion and real love and to be able to express it for another. I’ve learnt that I am absolutely safe being vulnerable because I trust that Divine is always looking out for me. I’ve learnt that when I am out of balance, I need to heal the separation within myself.

This pathway took me to a whole new level of opening within myself. I thought my heart was open and I’ve learnt that even though it is open, it can open so much wider.

Energy Updates, Healing

Energy Update 4th September 2018

Well here we are and it’s been heavy and intense the last week. There is a hell of a lot of crap being pushed up to the surface and we are healing and doing more healing and continue healing!

Physically, the symptoms have been a thick or foggy head including migraines and headaches. Ears have been ringing. Dizzy spells have been common. Generally a feeling of being ungrounded and uprooted.

With this, there’s been unrest. A lot of emotional restlessness. An impatience for things to start moving again and an unwillingness to back down. Sound familiar?

It really is taking it’s toll this week. I know on a personal level, I’ve had to take some time out to just shut down and recalibrate the systems! This intensity will continue although the flow of it seems to be getting easier as we work through the lessons.

It feels as if we just have to master letting go of expectations. That’s pretty difficult because to manifest what we want, we have to expect that it will materialise. What I’m talking about is getting yourself in to focus and in to a headspace where the outcome is irrelevant. This period of limbo is about building full trust and faith and allowing yourself to be led.

The Universe always has your highest interests at heart and the stagnancy that we have felt of late has created a wishy washy kind of energy. It’s important that we don’t stay in this for too long. It has been heavy and it has been difficult to keep moving. More than ever, we are being required to push ourselves a little bit further.

You’ll have noticed in the midst of all this that you are starting to get really clear on what resonates with you and what doesn’t. It should be starting to become really clear to you what needs dropping from your life because it seems as though the triggers are everywhere.

The thing I am finding the most difficult at the moment is the balancing act between ourselves and other people. We have to choose to put ourselves first.

In the spiritual journey, there will be times when you feel so far apart in your way of thinking from those that you are closest to but know that that is ok. Your truth will continue to evolve and as it does, you may find that you judge those with a different perspective, or you feel judged by them. This is all experience and it is teaching us real detachment with love. It can be difficult to stay in love and compassion with those closest to you if they can’t understand your need to process in a different way to them. This is all part of working out your place in the world.

We are coming to the cross roads and the new moon on the 8th should be bringing us some unexpected surprises. My feeling is that we are heading towards having everything we want but something tells me that it won’t look anything like we planned it to be. Therefore this time is a time of opening up and acceptance of things as they are.

There is a great deal of courage required as our old belief systems fall away. It can feel as if the world is breaking off in fragments right before your eyes. It is the collapse of the old ways of thinking.

If there is one thing that helps me more than anything it is holding on to this affirmation.

I AM LOVE. I CAME HERE TO BE LOVE AND BE LOVED.

This is all. Just keep remembering this and you’ll ride this storm. New Moon New Start is  how I’m feeling the energies at the moment so I’m using this time to get things in order. It’s time to really start thinking seriously about where things are going and how you can direct them.